The Barefoot Servant

Me And Habakkuk

2010-08-30T21:36:00.000-07:00

Hello?? Is this thing on?? Mic check... mic check...

Now that you are listening, let me ask you a question. How are things in your life right now? How is your walk with God? How has He chosen to answer your deepest prayers or your strongest hopes and dreams?

It's always said that God works in mysterious ways. I know that isn't a new thought, but let me ask this: Why is it that we consider His ways "mysterious"? We often say that it is because "God's ways are not our own..." or because "He works all things for His good...". While these things are certainly true, I think the reality is that we label God's actions and directions as mysterious because they don't line up with how we would have handled any number of situations. The word "mysterious" is our politically correct replacement for "illogical", "undeserved" or "confusing". Insert any number of words in its place.

"Mysterious" is what we say when we are in public, while "wow, God... that really hacks me off" is what we say in private. Come on, you know it's true.

I've been thinking through some situations lately that have, for lack of a better term, really caused me some hurt. Things that I really didn't expect to go any other way, but yet they grind at the very core of my mindset.

At least one of the situations involves an individual that I believe would sell his own heart if it meant stepping up in the world in stature. The funny thing is... it appears that it is paying off for this individual. Wow, God... Your answers sure are mysterious!

A couple other situations relate to dear friends who are suffering or have suffered far more than one would ever think they deserve. Wow, God... Your ways certainly are not our own. Wow, God... You sure works all things for Your good.

Yet some others relate to how I expected God to answer some long held prayers, when in reality His answers came back so far from my expectations that I'm still recovering from whiplash. Wow, God... Your ways certainly are not our own.

For those who might think my comments are sarcastic toward God, I assure you they are nothing of the sort. Consider them public reminders to myself and please... continue reading.

I'll be honest, I'm a person who really would rather carry his own emotional burdens and stuff it all inside, but the more I do this, the more my compassion and contentment are replaced with bitterness and frustration. I've had to make a conscience effort to pray for my own attitude and for the very people and situations involved in the things that frustrate me so... though I struggle not to do so with gritted teeth.

Working through all of the thought processes associated with a personality such as mine, reminded me tonight of the book of Habakkuk. If you know the story at all, Habakkuk essentially called out to God with his frustrations about the injustice and inadequacies of the world around him. He expected the Lord to act differently. He expected the Lord to respond with the same action and in the same time frame as he, himself, would have.

God responded to Habakkuk with a reminder of who holds the power of all. He reminded Habakkuk who holds the ultimate authority. He reminded Habakkuk to not put too much merit in the way things appear, but to put faith in a God of response, who executes His plan with perfect precision.

Habakkuk closes with a prayer to God, rejoicing in who He is... rather than what He hasn't done (in accordance to what we believe His will should be). I'm not sure if Habakkuk's prayer is really one of a convinced man or is more one along the lines of "I know in my heart that this is true, so God please help me to act accordingly when my faith is weak".

Regardless of intent, there is one line that stuck out to me tonight. It reads as follows:

Habakkuk 3:18 (NIV)
yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.

I love the fact that it begins with "yet". Though the verse prior uses poetic illustrations of "bad things", this is Habakkuk's way of saying "Lord... These things really stink... *yet* I will rejoice..."

I'm not sure what you are struggling with in your own life right now, but for me... this was a good reminder that I am not God... That complaining about the imperfections of others is no excuse for pretending I don't hold many of the same flaws. I could go on and on, but I think you get the picture.

I need to work toward my "yet" prayer.

Lord, I am broken in more ways than I can count.

I expect You to act in whatever ways I see fit, paying more attention to my own idea of a perfect plan than I do Your perfect will... and I ask Your forgiveness for this.

Lord, let me rejoice in Your works and your ways, even if they truly are mysterious to me.

Let me be a part of whatever it is that You desire and let me not hold bitterness towards others that are a part of what *I* desire.

Let me love others in spite of their flaws, just as You do with me.

Restore my content and compassionate spirit and allow me to live for You instead of for me.

And all God's people said... Amen.

In Him,
Jim

Thank You, Mr. Key...

2010-06-08T18:41:00.000-07:00

Monday afternoon, I received an email from my good friend Jason. The message was short and sweet. It read, "Dana Key died yesterday :(." There was that short moment of disbelief as I typed his name into Google... just to find that it was indeed true. Dana Key of Memphis, Tennessee died Sunday night at the age of 56.

Maybe Dana's name isn't one that rings a bell with most people, but let me tell you that he played an instrumental part in my life.

Dana Key was the singer and guitarist for the band DeGarmo and Key.

I first saw DeGarmo and Key at a show in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. I was just barely a teenager. I didn't think I was going there to spend time with God... I actually went there to spend time with a girl (who is now my wife!)... but God apparently wanted to spend some time with me.

Through Mr. Key's words and amazing musicianship, God showed me that He was far more than I had ever learned about in the circles of my childhood. I left that evening a changed man.

I had the pleasure of writing Dana a year or so back to share with him all that I experienced that night. I guess in hindsight now, I'm glad I was able to do so.

Thank you, Mr. Key for allowing the Father to speak through you to some messed up little boy those many years ago.

In Him,
Jim

Cat Got Your Tongue?

2010-05-20T21:18:00.000-07:00

OK... so I guess this past year has been one of the bigger absences from my little corner of the blogosphere that I've ever had. I was just reading some of my more recent posts and realized that just a few posts back I talk about the birth of my youngest son... who is now over a year old. So what gives?

There are all the typical excuses: Life got too busy, not enough time, blogging is going out of style (not that I've EVER been known as stylish), life has had some difficult changes over the past year, I've got nothing to say (I'm sure most who know me wish that this would be the case)... but the truth is, it just slipped my mind. It dropped on the massive scale of my priorities.

While I don't think it's a bad thing to re-evaluate priorities and while I certainly don't think that blogging about my life to a handful of those who are interested is necessarily a "high" priority as it relates to other things happening, there are a couple things that disturb me about my silence. First, it shows me how easily I tend to stray from something and second, it shows how easily I forget to reflect upon what God is doing in my family's lives.

It has been an amazing and difficult year. Countless things have occurred that have run the gamut of excruciating to amazing... some even could be classified as both. God has done things that I never thought possible. He's presented heroes in the most unlikely forms. He's pushed open doors that I never knew existed. He's shaken ground that I thought was hearty and strong. He's allowed challenges that have torn at the very core of who I am as a person... yet, He's also shown me that above all else, He is faithful to His children... even when I've set Him aside like the blog posts of yesteryear.

I don't want to be silent. I want my voice, heart and mind to remain focused on the God who has shown Himself to be anything by silent over the past year. I want to be willing to share the wonder of how He's been working in my family... not just so that others can be encouraged, but so that I too can continue to reflect upon the one who is not silent... rather than letting it slip away.

Why is it that we are most silent when God is working the most in our lives? Interesting...

All of this to say, that I hope to be more active in sharing again. I have no idea what that will look like, but will say that I hope it looks like Him.

In Him,
Jim

Life Through Song

2009-05-26T22:45:00.000-07:00

My wife and I have been dealing with a lot lately. We both feel overly stressed by a number of things in life. Not always big things... but sometimes just lots of little nagging or troublesome issues.

As we've spent the last few weeks talking through things, we've both made comments about songs that God has seemingly used to remind us of His truths, His love for us and our need to trust in Him.

As someone drawn to music, it is no secret that songs have played a large part in my life.

Now don't get me wrong, songs are not a replacement for prayer, Bible reading, counsel of wise friends, etc.. but yet I truly believe that some songs have a way of both preparing our hearts to be instructed and doing the instruction at the same time.

I'd like to hear from you (all 3 people who read my rantings!) as to which songs God has used to speak into your lives recently. What is it about the song that draws you to it? What truths are you being reminded of when you listen?

Just curious...

In Him,
Jim

Depth Of Heart

2009-04-07T22:26:00.000-07:00

I've been struggling a bit lately. I'll be honest. My life "isn't as it should be" by my standards (and I'm sure God's as well). There are always too many projects and too few hours. Too many priorities get shoved aside for too many emergencies. Life is chaotic.

I was driving home tonight from a rehearsal contemplating all the things about my character that would disappoint God. Basically, blaming myself for not achieving better results in my walk with God. Trying to finagle my mind into reworking my emergencies into well compartmentalized and strategized timely tasks, so that I could THEN give God the time and effort He deserves.

Funny, isn't it? Trying to "be all that I can be" so that God would love me more or listen to my cries and prayers more closely?

In my time of reflection, a song came on the radio that I had never heard before. It is called "I'm Singing" and is by an artist name Kari Jobe.

Allow me to quote a portion of the song:

And I'm singing to the God
Who brings redemption to the nations
Kings and oceans bow to Him in praise
And I'm singing to the God
Who wrote the book on our salvation
To the One who covers me in grace
I'm Singing

Only one word in the beginning
Only one truth will prevail
Only one love brings you freedom
Only one Man took the nails

When I heard this song, my first reaction was to switch the station because it is somewhat repetitive and not lyrically very deep. You see, as a worship leader there is this constant ebb and flow about songs being too shallow and not meaty enough contrasted with songs being so deep that they are beyond common understanding.

I get caught up in one end or the other and sometimes fail to grasp the only thing that really matters... can I/am I giving God His due respect and worship with the song, regardless of depth of content?

Kari's song was simple, but the more it played (it really is a great song, in spite of my initial response) the more I realized that there was extreme depth of heart in the simplicity of the lyrics.

I'm singing to the God that brings redemption to the nations

When I'm worshiping God in song, I'm not singing to a figment of my imagination, I'm presenting praise before the King of all of the heavens and all of the earth. I'm singing to the God to whom the very rocks will cry out if we do not give Him praise.

Tonight, in my time of disgust with who I am as a person, God reminded me through a simple song that He's not after my achievements. He's not after the deepest theological song I can find. He's not after the finest crafted words I can compose.

He's after a depth of heart. He's after a man that is willing to praise Him in simplicity as well as complexity. He's after whatever it is I have to offer Him right now... big or small.

The bottom line is, I need to be before God where I am now. Not once I have things figured out and back in order... but right now. I need to be "singing" to my God.

Maybe you can relate. Maybe you've been distant from God as you've been trying to "right your life" in one form or another. As Kari sings in her song...

Only one word in the beginning
Only one truth will prevail
Only one love brings you freedom
Only one Man took the nails

I for one am ready to stop hearing from me and start hearing the only one... from God.

In Him,
Jim

I've Fallen And I Can't Get Up!!

2009-01-15T12:45:00.000-08:00

This morning while I was taking my shower (that seems to be where most of my deep thoughts occur), I was praying for my wife and my newborn child and the doctor appointments they both were to have today. Without going into detail, both are dealing with issues (related to the recent birth) that are concerning at best and very serious at worst.

So, there I was praying in the shower when a song popped into my head. I had just been listening to the song yesterday because I was watching part of a concert video from a gentleman by the name of Brad Stiles, for whom I play guitar. Let me be clear for a second... Brad didn't write the song, so it is not him I'm talking about, ok?

The title of the song I watched is "Healer". Many of you may be familiar with the song, because it was a VERY popular release last year... followed by a widely talked about "scandal".

It seems that the author of the song was promoting it at various events as having been written during a time of struggling with a disease. The song was written as an expression of praise for being delivered through and healed from the disease he claimed to be taking its toll on his body.

Long story short, it turned out that he had essentially made up the story of the disease. Many claimed it nothing more than a gimmick.

The backlash from this was heavy, as one can imagine. Radio stations banned the song. Christians and non-Christians alike expressed disappointment in the character of the author and spouted rhetoric about how godly or ungodly this man must be.

So... here I am in the shower with this song of hope... song of healing... desire to let God be in control of my family's situation being reminded to me in song. A song with so much baggage associated with it.

As I continued to dwell on my prayers and on this song, I recalled sitting with Brad backstage before one of our shows and talking about the purpose of the song. I remembered talking about how God uses the unfit and how even though this man didn't have the disease he claimed, he was/is still definitely in need of God's healing. I remembered talking about how God's purpose is greater than man's and how God tends to use the least of us for the greatest of things... even when we are unworthy.

My thoughts then drifted to Matthew 18. Not particularly controversial, many believers use this as our guide for dealing with sin issues with our brothers and sisters in Christ. I have heard countless times about the "steps" involved with dealing with such an incident... ending (in extreme and irreconcilable situations) with the stopping of fellowship with the other individual.

I started to think that perhaps as Christians, we often miss the greater point. I started to think about how (according to something like Matthew 18) people turned away from the song "Healer" and its author because they saw him as unfit and didn't want this scandal to corrupt their worship. But I couldn't convince myself that this was good or proper application. Let's face it... we are all sinners. Yes, even you reading this right now... certainly me.

You see, I don't think the concept of Matthew 18 was meant to protect you and me from the sins of others... like some people assume. If I look at the chapter in whole, I see God's desire for us to receive Him. I see God's desire for us to be servants of others instead of ourselves. I see God's concern for the individual who has gone astray. I see God's desire for sin to be RECONCILED so that fellowship can be restored... NOT so that we can be protected from those that sin. That would be impossible for us to do.

I'll tell you what Christians need to be protected from: We need to be protected from the idea that having it all together is what God requires. We need to be protected from "playing Christian". We need to be protected from the fear of the judgment involved with hanging our dirty laundry out where others can see it.

I'm not excusing the sins of others nor am I excusing my own. I'm not suggesting that we don't follow Matthew 18.

I'm suggesting that we follow it with the heart of wanting to restore a fellow believer in fellowship to God... not because of how it impacts us.

I'm suggesting that we rejoice in the fact that God can still use a song like "Healer" to reach those with the truth of God's grace and mercy... even when the person delivering it has stumbled.

I'm suggesting that we be thankful to our great and merciful God for using us in spite of our lacking and healing us in spite of what we deserve.

"I believe You're my healer. I believe You're more than enough for me."

Thank you God for loving me... not because of my sins, but in spite of them.

In Him,
Jim

Something To Say

2009-01-12T20:27:00.001-08:00

Do you ever have those moments where you feel like you have something to say... but you aren't quite sure what it is? Like there is a purpose bottled up inside of you that you aren't quite sure how to draw out?

I know... it is a strange question, but it is one that has been on my mind today for some reason.

I sat here this evening doing some work at my desk while listening through old songs that I have written, co-written, produced or played on. Lots of interesting stuff. In doing so, I noticed one recurring theme: I have trouble expressing myself through song. What I mean is that I have started many songs over the years (some of them I actually like), but very few have ever been finished.

My friend Dan and I used to co-write weekly. I was teaching guitar at the time and he worked with me at the music store. Between students, we could often be found working through some new song ideas. I won't say that they were all good, but we were very prolific.

Since Dan and I stopped writing together (this has more to do with stages of life and living in different cities than anything else), I haven't been anywhere near as thorough with my music.

I've had people tell me that I'm a gifted writer and performer, but truthfully I don't believe it. It makes it hard to finish songs when you are your worst critic.

Two of my friends who are accomplished professional songwriters have told me that part of the battle is just making sure you get the song out of you... be it good or bad. Seems if I think a song is bad, I'll just abandon it on the spot... hahaha

Anyhow, listening to the songs tonight made me realize how much I enjoy how music works. I enjoy the way that different sounds and instruments interact. I enjoy the act of getting the recorded.

What frustrates me is that I feel like there are things I'm supposed to say in music... not because I have to, but because God has created me a certain way. The problem is that I haven't figured out what it is I'm supposed to say... at least never more than a verse or two.

For fun, I'm going to post a few songs that I've worked on through the years. I'd love to know what you all think.

First up is a song that Dan and I wrote together (he wrote the words and I wrote the music). It was recorded at my old house in a little office (with the exception of drums, which we recorded one afternoon at the music store). Dan played the triangle, tambourine and did the vocals on the bridge. I did the vocals, guitars, bass and drums. The song is a good 10+ years old, so its fun to listen to.

10,000 Spins

The next one is the title track off of my band's CD (Just William: Blue Goodbye). This song is pretty much the same arrangement as the last one: I did the music and Dan did the words. I did the guitars and lead vocals. Evan Marshall did the background vocals and bass. Dan Van Oss did the keyboards and Skip Lowe played the drums. This too was recorded at my old house (and my parent's basement!)

Blue Goodbye

Ok... so those were my more prolific days co-writing with friends... now here are a few partially written songs from here at the house. All instruments and vocals (when there are some) are played and recorded by me. Be warned: None of them are complete and most of them don't have lyrics yet... hahaha. Also, not much effort was put into making these sound "professional"... they are just rough takes that I wanted to let you all listen to.

Song Idea 1

Song Idea 2

Song Idea 3

Well there you have it... a look into my incomplete, torturous mental state of songwriting. Some day (sooner than later) I hope to finish a few of these and put out a CD with some of these songs on them... but that's assuming I ever figure out what it is I'm trying to say!

Thanks for listening...

In Him,
Jim

Wow...

2009-01-11T21:09:00.001-08:00

What a month it has been. Life has been (as they say) crazy for a while at the Coates household.

Within the last month, we've had the regular festivities of Christmas and New Year's (and the various family visits associated with said holidays), as well as a few other things. Let me give you an idea...

In the beginning of December, I played my third year with "Tribute". "Tribute" is a group of three ladies that put on a fantastic show once a year around Christmas. The night is filled with humor, comedy and of course Christmas tunes. Three years ago, I was asked to fill in for their regular guitar player, Bruce. Even though Bruce has been back the last two years, they've still asked me to join the festivities.

The show sold out all 4 nights that it played this year... a great testament to the quality of the show they put on. Its also one of the few events during the year where you will actually see me in dress pants versus my normal jeans. *grin*

December also brought the celebratory return of Parkview Evangelical Free Church back to the building it occupied prior to the Summer floods in Iowa. From June through December, the church met at a local high school... setting up and tearing down the entire church on a weekly basis.

The building is now put back together and is better than ever!! I look forward to many more weekends of worship there at the building!

December also brought on a crisis situation with our house. To make a long story short, half-way through the month we learned that we needed to have our basement complete by the end of December or "suffer the consequences" as they say. We'd been working on the basement for 3 years, but still had a long way to go.

I'm happy to say that by God's grace, the help of several dear friends, the patience of my boss and an inspector that was willing to answer all kinds of questions, we made the deadline!!

The basement still has a few things to be completed before we can actually enjoy the space (carpet etc), but the city is satisfied with the work and the rest of it should hopefully be completed soon.

Last... but certainly not least... this past Friday morning, my wife and I welcomed our *5th* child into the world!! Brooks Joseph Coates was born around 9:25 AM on Friday morning.

We were able to bring him home today and are in the process of spending our first night back in the house.

I'll write more soon, but thought today was an appropriate day for an update.

I hope you all are well and I pray that God will continue to draw us to Him and shape us in this new year.

In Him,
Jim

Brooke Fraser's Albertine

2008-08-04T22:02:00.000-07:00

Ok... so I'm a worship leader. That means that I love all the worship tunes that you would normally hear on the radio or that can be found in most churches on your average Sunday morning, right?

No, not really.

Its usually the case that given any one organization of song writers (Hillsong United, Maranatha Praise, Vineyard Praise, Sovereign Grace, Indelible Grace etc), that I find myself drawn to a small sub-grouping of individual writers. That is to say that while I can say "I like Hillsong United", what I really mean to say is that there are certain songwriters within the Hillsong United family that I enjoy.

Now, don't take me wrong... this is not to say that any of the writers that aren't on my preferred list are less Godly, less talented or not as worthwhile... I am simply stating that given my personal preferences, there are only a few that I really enjoy.

This brings me to Brooke Fraser. Six months ago or so, I was introduced to one of her songs: "Hosanna". It was on some Hillsong project that someone had loaned to me to learn for a worship set. I remember distinctly thinking how great a song it was (and is).

More recently, the other singer for my Sunday night services (Thanks Virginia!!) gave me some music to another one of Brooke's songs entitled "None but Jesus". I'll admit that just reading through the music didn't give me much of a feel for the song, but I thought it would be worth checking out... so I piled it away in my list of "songs I hope to do in the future".

When I finally got around to tracking down the song on iTunes and giving it a listen, I was pleasantly surprised... another great song by Brooke.

Move forward a few more weeks... while reading through one of my trade magazines, there was a mention of the release of Brooke's new CD, "Albertine". Within a day or so of reading that, I also came across a review that Bob Kauflin put on his blog suggesting that people check out this new CD. (While some of you may not know who Bob is, he is well respected in my circle of worship-leading friends.)

I told Virginia about the CD being out and Bob's review and we both talked about how we needed to buy the CD.

Fast-forward to the service last night. While I'm finishing packing up, Virginia comes up to me and says "I got the CD and you're going to borrow it." Its true. She got the CD and I borrowed it. *grin*

I had to take a trip across town today, so I took it with me and popped it into the CD player... and was very surprised with what I heard.

Typically, I jump around CDs. I either get drawn into certain songs or pushed away from certain songs within the first 30 seconds or so. This was not the case with the Albertine CD.

Of the first 10 songs (that's all I had a chance to listen to), there was only one song that almost got the "next" from me. It wasn't necessarily because it was bad, but it was just not as good as the others.

Track for track, I was impressed with the writing and production of the CD.

I will say that many of the songs are similar... in fact, there were a couple vocal lines that were "re-used" from one song to the next... but the production and styling of the CD were impressive enough that it didn't matter.

If you don't know who Brooke is, but like Coldplay, Neil Finn, Sara Groves and a good message - do yourself a favor and check out the CD.

If you don't know who any of the people are I mentioned, STILL do yourself a favor and check out the CD.

I'm not sure Virginia is going to get her CD back. *grin*

In Him,
Jim

Stop Or Go

2008-07-22T12:04:00.000-07:00

Recently, God's been teaching me a lesson on perspective. His perspective versus ours. I'll admit it... I'm often one to focus on the rip in the silver lining (*grin*), so this is an interesting, painful and tedious lesson to unravel.

I would be curious to know your thoughts on this. How do we differentiate God teaching us through adversity (while working toward a goal) versus God presenting adversity to steer us away to another path?

Let me present a hypothetical example: You work at Wal-Mart. You enjoy working at Wal-Mart and have peace in feeling like you are meant to be there. You might even say that you feel called to work for Wal-Mart and believe that you are well suited for work at the customer service counter (though you currently work in the warehouse). Of the 5 or 6 people you began your employment with, 4 of them have since moved on to be customer service workers... seemingly with little effort... while you remain in the warehouse having been passed over 4 or 5 times.

Would you say that A) God is protecting you from being in customer service, even though you believe that's where you should be, B) God is refining something in you to better prepare you for your customer service roll, C) God has nothing to do with it... try harder or D) some other answer?

Obviously, this is NOT my situation, nor are the answers I presented the only way of looking at things... I just thought it would be interesting to hear how you all would reconcile the situation.

Let me know your thoughts!

In Him,
Jim

You Didn't Let Go - Julie's Song

2008-07-02T12:43:00.001-07:00

In yesterday's post, I mentioned a song that my friend Joel had recently written for a friend's funeral.

With Joel's permission, I've posted the song for you to listen to:

You Didn't Let Go - Julie's Song

In Him,
Jim

Mortality

2008-07-01T21:16:00.000-07:00

This afternoon I emailed my friend Joel about some songs he and I are considering working on together. The response I received was not one that I expected.

He told me that he hasn't been able to listen to the songs yet, because a close friend of his died tragically this past week.

She was apparently trying to rescue a young girl from a river when she was overtaken by the current herself and drown.

My friend wrote a song for the funeral.

I took a listen to it tonight and was struck by the beauty of the words that he had to say about his friend.

It makes me wonder what people would say about me? It makes me wonder what I would say about the people I know? How well do I know them and how well do they know me?

It also makes me realize that your health today doesn't always equate to your life tomorrow. Sometimes God defies all earthly reasoning and keeps people like my friend Jody alive... while taking people like Joel's friend.

It puts into perspective the days that I'm too wrapped up in myself to care for others. Or the times that I bark at the kids because they aren't behaving as I expect.

How well did we use today? How much faith do we put in tomorrow?

Maybe I'll ask Joel if I can post a link to the song here. It truly is a beautiful tribute to his friend.

In Him,
Jim

The Flood And The Call

2008-06-16T12:28:00.000-07:00

So, if you watch the news at all, you probably know that Iowa has been dealing with some serious flooding. Cedar Rapids (the town I live in) has been experiencing a 500-year flood, which essentially means we've never seen anything like it before.

Life, as we know it, has changed.

In Iowa City, the church I serve at was completely overtaken by water - requiring us to hold our services in a local school auditorium.

This weekend, I left Cedar Rapids at 5:00 am to head for Iowa City. What would have normally been a 40 minute drive on major interstates turned into an hour and 15 minute drive across small highways and gravel back roads. In my 30 some odd years of living in the Cedar Rapids and Iowa City areas, I drove through parts that I never even knew existed... hoping and praying that my old Honda with her 202,000 earned miles would safely make the journey.

As I made the trek early yesterday morning, there were hardly any cars out and about. As the sun lazily poked its head up from the east, I was amazed by the landscape that was being revealed. There were ponds of water and swollen rivers all over the countryside, clearly showing why the other routes between the two cities were closed.

As I sit here today contemplating a pretty big mental struggle in my life, I can't help but reflect on how God's call is like my drive through the flood: I often assume God will show up in ways that make sense to me... much like I've always assumed that the interstate would be open for me to travel upon... but sometimes its when God has us on those uncharted back roads, filled with uncertainty, that His light most clearly reveals the dangers He is helping us avoid. Much like the watery landscape that I could see from my back road adventure.

When I arrived in Iowa City yesterday morning I was early, so I turned the engine off , rolled down the window and sat listening to the birds chirping and the cool wind blowing. Amazed at the tranquility at the end of my journey. Not because I was clear of any additional storms, but more so because for that brief moment I could enjoy God's beauty in spite of the storms after a journey of doubt.

The time I spent worshiping with the church that morning was precious.

I guess my prayer in all of this is to be willing to "get in the car and drive". Its easy in a situation such as a flood to hole up and ignore your surroundings. Its easy to say "if I can't get there my way, I won't go at all". I want to allow God to take me on those back roads and reveal to me the dangers that He has helped me avoid. I want God to show me that willingness is stronger than fear. And I want to take the time between the storms to roll down the windows and reflect on the journey.

In Him,
Jim

Conviction, The Holy Spirit And Hot Dogs

2008-05-19T20:43:00.000-07:00

This past Friday afternoon, I had the pleasure of lunch with a friend and coworker of mine. Granted, I normally get to eat lunch on Fridays with my coworkers, but this particular Friday it was just me and Jeff... and when its just me and Jeff, we tend to eat less healthy foods than usual. Friday's choice was a favorite of mine - the Flying Wienie in Cedar Rapids.

For those 10 or 20 of you that actually own a Just William CD, we actually featured a cup with the Flying Wienie logo in one of the pictures on the inside of the CD cover.

The food was of course excellent, but the conversation was nice too.

Jeff is a very intelligent man... far smarter than I am. His office is immaculate - mine usually looks like a series of small tornadoes attacked some cross of a music store, a Mt. Dew factory and a home office. His lawn is nicely manicured - mine doesn't need mowing, because the dandelions have such pretty flowers and it would be a shame to cut them all to pieces.

All additional Felix Ungar/Oscar Madison comparisons aside, Jeff and I share a love for the arts and I believe both of us have hearts for being obedient toward God's will.

I appreciated the time of being able to bounce my scattered rants past Jeff and see where that directed the conversation.

To say that life has been crazy lately, would be an understatement. To claim that my heart isn't being torn in two over many situations, would be less than honest. To state that I desire clarity of direction from God, would be far too mild... but in the midst of it all, I praise God for conversations such as the one this past Friday. Conversations where smarter men than I reassure me that my convictions aren't crazy.

I've had several of those lately... this past week with Jeff, a few weeks back when Ashley and I met John and Sharon in Dubuque, a phone call here and there from my friend Paul and several late night talks with my wife, Ashley.

So... why on earth the title of this particular post? Well, its simple: Godly conviction, the work of the Holy Spirit and Flying Wienie hot dogs have all shared a special place in my heart this past week... I also can't seem to get my fill of any of them.. and they all seem better when shared with a friend.

Grab a friend and go down to the Flying Wienie. Order up a "double play" (two dogs Chicago style) and sit back and ask each other what it is God wants to communicate in and through our lives. Trust me, it makes for an enjoyable and thought provoking afternoon.

In Him,
Jim

We Serve A God Of Wonder

2008-04-11T14:24:00.000-07:00

Have you ever sat quietly and thought about how amazing God really is? Marveled at the wonder of His ways? Truly tried to be aware of His presence?

This past week has been filled with what we call around here "God winks". That's actually a term that my wife and a couple of dear friends have used for quite some time. I don't know if its original to them, but that's where I learned it from.

Let's start off with an update on a situation: My throat. As some of you may know (if you read a few posts back), I had an appointment to see an ENT physician about some stress and strain on my voice. I think my primary physician categorized it as "chronic laryngitis". I've had struggles with keeping my voice healthy for a while... it is usually fine when I really need it, but then I'd pay for it for a day or two after from the strain.

I had the chance to sing for a friend's wedding (Hey Katie and Eli!!) back a month and a half ago. I know God was protecting me, as I was sick but managed to make it through a day of rehearsals and the actual wedding. However, immediately after (the next week) I pretty much lost my voice completely, which is what prompted the ENT visit.

Well, in order to not drag this on - I was concerned that I had nodules on my vocal cords, which are actually like calluses and can cause all sorts of problems with your voice. After two visits to the ENT and having cameras pushed down my throat, I am pleased to say that they didn't find any.

The doctor said that I have acid reflux and allergies... both of which cause vocal fatigue and "crud in your throat". Both treatable by medication.

Sorry for that long update... that's not really the purpose of this post, but I wanted to let everyone know how it was progressing. I still have two more doctors appointments to test for allergies and check treatment options.

Now... what I wanted to talk about is how God stirs us. How He communicates in ways and through things we don't expect. How if we really pay attention to Him, He shows up in some unusual places.

A while back a friend from the church I lead worship at came across a familiar name on my blog. Turns out the person named was ALSO a friend of his!! Mr. Smith (I'll call him that since it really is his name) got in touch with Caesar (That's not his name, but it is easier to type than his real name!) and mentioned my blog. Caesar checked it out and decided to get in touch with me... after we hadn't really communicated for several years.

Anyhow Caesar (his last name is Czerwinski... get the connection?) has since been in contact with me several times. Its been great reconnecting with my friend... he was the director of the very first praise team I ever served on many, many moons ago. He was a great encourager then and an even better one now.

Rumor has it that he even had his worship team at his current church read my blog... maybe he was trying to get his 15 seconds of fame!! I'm joking of course... Caesar is one of the nicest, most servant-hearted people I know.

I won't go into details, but God seems to have brought him back into my life at this time to stir some possible answers to some very recent, but very real prayers. Answers that are so far outside the box from what I was expecting.

Maybe those answers will turn out to just be more questions, but none the less my friend reminded me of the wonder of the God we serve. How unpredictable His path is by human reasoning, but how sweetly and perfectly predictable His faithfulness to us and grace and love for us are.

Now... here's more fuel for the fire. 24 hours prior to Caesar calling me, I had sent a prayer list to another friend in Texas (Hey Emily!!) and had a conversation with my wife about a particular prayer request.

I tried very hard on the list I sent Emily to be honest about my family's prayer needs. I wanted to ask for prayer in areas that would only be answered by God's hand. It just so happens that one of the things Caesar felt like he needed to talk with me about was one of those prayer requests. He had no knowledge of me sending them to Emily.

Also on that SAME day, I got emails from two other long, lost friends... basically all checking in to say they were "thinking about me".

It has truly been a strange, strange week. I'm not sure how it will all resolve and that may not even be the point... I think the point for me today is just to be in awe of the God we serve and how amazing it is that He interacts with us the way that He does. This isn't a spectator sport and we aren't simply pawns in a game.

I told my friend Jim from PA about the prayer email and how it didn't even take 24 hours for some of it to be addressed... Jim's comment back to me was along the lines of "What?! You don't think God can read emails!?"

So... I'm not sure where you are all at with your personal walks. Not sure where your desires and convictions are... but I pray that you would look for God around every corner and behind every situation that exists in your life. I promise you He is there and that once we quiet our own voice to hear His, we might just be surprised by His presence, blessed by His love and kept in awe of His wonder.

In Him,
Jim

Are We Too Apathetic?

2008-03-26T11:29:00.000-07:00

Today I was getting ready for the day and had the Weather Channel on. They were discussing the weather for tonight's space shuttle landing. I had no idea that the shuttle was landing tonight... I barely even remembered that it had been launched.

I started thinking about how "routine" it has become for our space program to take a large chunk of metal, propelled by controlled explosions and send it hurdling past the earth's atmosphere to rendezvous with other chunks of metal held in a somewhat continuous orbit in space.

I remember in Jr. High going to the school library to watch the shuttle launches and landings live... because they were such a big deal. I was even there watching live when the Challenger catastrophe happened.

My point being, the amazing feats involved with such shuttle launches and landings are no less astonishing today... we've simply become accustomed to them.

Parallel this with our walk as a Christian. Have we become so accustomed to the miracle of salvation that we treat it as common place? Are we still amazed daily at the grace provided to us by a loving God and how that has forever changed our eternity?

I might just have to have the kids sit down tonight and watch the shuttle landing.

Jim

In Sickness And In Health...

2008-03-12T13:04:00.000-07:00

Hey all. Sorry it has been such a long time since I last wrote something here. Life has just been... well... busy, like life tends to do from time to time.

How have you all been? Seriously... I'd love to know. I never know who reads my little rants and raves in my small corner of the internet. I don't claim to have any wonderful insights that people would line up to read and I certainly break the rule of "sharing too much" to the point that people probably shy away. Still, it always amazes me the little notes or comments I get from people... many of which I had no idea ever visit here.

So what's new with me? I've been sick... really sick. I'm on my third week of various "cruds". At first I had the flu. Followed immediately by a cold.

The amazing thing is that I had a wedding to sing at right in the middle of those two. I worried that I wouldn't have a voice, but God somehow saw it fit for me to be able to sing for literally about a 72 hour period.

Its usually the case that I push the limits of what my body wants to do when I am sick. I usually try to downplay being sick and stay active in events. Even this past weekend, I was to play a coffee shop gig with my friend Paul and I was certain that I'd pull through for that one as well. My body had different plans. I played the show, but I had no voice to sing with... so I simply played "guitar monkey" while Paul did all the singing.

What was my body's answer to me pushing it so hard these past several weeks? A throat and sinus infection. Barely any voice, fevers, chills, shakes, night sweats, headaches, joint pains... Its been a miserable last week. So much so that I finally caved in and asked my wife to schedule an appointment with the doctor (I dislike going to doctor's offices).

He put me on some horse pills to fight the infection. Coupled with that is a nice concoction of cold and sinus medicine, pain killers and sleep aids... this of course leaves me in a medicated state. I know what you're thinking and yes, the doctor DID tell me to take these things.

I feel better today than I did two days ago, but I'm certainly not back to 100%... not even 80% yet...

Since I rarely go to doctors, I took the opportunity to talk with my doctor (who by the way is the same age as me... its really kind of strange) about an ongoing complication I've had. For the past several years, my voice has tended to give out with little to no warning. It doesn't go away completely, it just loses some of its range and makes it difficult to sing. It will usually be the case that I can make it through a rehearsal for a service, but by the time the service starts my voice is so warn out that I can't sing what I was just able to 30 minutes before. I also often find my voice scratchy or cracking while I'm talking. I've worried about this for some time, but just haven't done anything about it.

The doctor told me that it could be one of three things: acid reflux, allergies or nodules on my vocal cords. Acid reflux and allergies can be treated with medication. Nodules often require vocal rest at the least and surgery (with weeks to months of vocal rest) at the worst. If surgery is needed, there is the possibility of not being able to sing or having a completely different sound to your voice.

He referred me to an ENT specialist. The scheduler called them right then and there to set up an appointment (which I was expecting to be weeks out, knowing how medical schedules are)... my appointment is TOMORROW.

I don't want to be a hypochondriac, but I'm certainly nervous about what they will tell me.

I'd appreciate prayers over this matter.

Something else I should mention... I'll be participating in this year's Worship Summit here in Cedar Rapids. I'll be playing guitar for a couple of the groups through the weekend and teaching break out sessions during the day on Saturday. The biggest news for me in regards to the Summit, is that I will be the keynote speaker for Friday night!! I was involved in working with a few national artists for the keynote spot on Friday, but it seems that God had other plans. I kept having this thought of a particular topic going through my head. I asked my friend Paul what he thought and before I knew what I had done, I was the speaker. *grin* Seriously though, I'm looking forward to it!!

I strongly recommend you looking into the conference if you are in the Cedar Rapids area. Its going to be a good one this year!!

Thanks for letting me bend your ear... I'll try to be more "up to date" here as I learn more about my throat and my head climbs out from beneath the fog of medication.

In Him,
Jim

Roby Duke

2008-01-31T12:59:00.000-08:00

It may be a little known fact to many, but singer-songwriter/folk/fingerstyle guitar music has been a favorite of mine for many years, though I tend to steer clear of the names that most people know (James Taylor, etc.)

Instead I have a handful of lesser known artists that I've grown to appreciate over the years: Tuck and Patti, David Wilcox, Neil Finn, Patty Griffin, Shawn Colvin, EmmyLou Harris, John Hiatt, etc.

One such artist that I have been influenced by over the years was a man named Roby Duke.

I was introduced to Roby (musically) by my friend, John Czerwinski, back in 1990 or 1991. I had never heard of him before, but John insisted that I take a listen to this person.

One listen was all it really took.

It was hard to find Roby's recordings (and still is to some extent), but I remember purchasing "Bridge Divine" and just getting lost listening to it as I drove around Iowa City (a habit I developed to escape for a little while).

That particular CD told much of Roby's life story. From his upbringing in Mississippi, to his struggle with friends and family, to his ultimate desire to surrender to God.

If you read Roby's story on his web site, there were some definite times of struggle. There were some definite times of doubt. Sounds like a familiar theme to the things you read here on my blog, eh? But in the end, I think Roby found himself where he longed most to be... at the feet of his heavenly father.

If you wonder why I speak of Roby in past tense... let me explain it to you: December 26th, 2007, Roby died of a heart attack in his home.

I kick myself because just a few months earlier, I met Roby at the CMS conference in Seattle. We greeted as we passed each other... he as leaving one class (which he taught) and I was attending one starting in the same room, moments later.

I had fully intended to go to some of Roby's sessions that weekend, but there were only so many times certain other classes were offered, including ones I was assisting my friend, John Carlson, in teaching.

It is hard to explain Roby's presence... he seemed to me a rugged, but gentle man who wanted nothing more than to be used by God in spite of everything. He definitely didn't fit the mold of the stereotypical worship leader/Christian musician... which I found very cool.

I remember some years back emailing Roby to ask him about the tuning on a song (Bridge Divine). To my surprise, he emailed me back and we had a nice conversation about the song. It impressed me that he was willing to do so.

Anyhow, I want to share with you three video clips of Roby from YouTube, to give you an idea of the man and his music. Maybe some of you will be influenced by what he has to say and how he says it.

The first clip is from the 2006 CMS conference in Seattle.

This second clip is a version of "Amazing Grace" that Roby performed at another CMS related conference in mid 2007. This song in particular struck a chord with me.

I've read that Roby enjoyed his last show on the 24th of December with his son. Everyone said he was smiling and couldn't be more proud sharing the stage with his own son.

Lastly, 3 days before his death, Roby shared this song with a congregation at a church. Listen to the song and enjoy the heart of the man and remember that just 3 days later, the lyrics of the song came true.

Roby - thanks for the music and thanks for the ministry... I smile at the idea of you getting your chance to touch God's very face.

In Him,
Jim

Life: Carnival ride or perfectly orchestrated plan?

2008-01-18T14:49:00.001-08:00

Hey everyone. I know it has been a while since I last sat down to share with you all that has been going on. I apologize for that.

With that out of the way, let me talk to you a little bit about "life". I find it funny how God seems to take people through similar paths in life. I've been dealing with a lot of things that are weighing heavy on my heart and mind lately (more on that later) and dwelling on the distance that I seem to create between me and God when I am "in the valley" (as my good friend, Mango would say).

Its a feeling of complete loneliness.

For some reason this afternoon, I decided to look at my band's (I should say ex-band's) MySpace page and noticed that my friend, Jason, added a blog post to his MySpace about prayer. More specifically he posted about dealing with his lack of prayer and disappointment of prayers of the past. The entire post is on a site he is involved with called "The Rabbit Room" and can be found here.

I'll be honest with you... reading the post brought me to a point of helplessness (because I'm not coming out of my valley like Jason is), fear (because I'm reminded of the troubles in life right now) and jealousy (because Jason speaks so eloquently into the lives of others via cool things like "The Rabbit Room" and I'm just... well... me).

How sick is that?

So what's going on that brings this heaviness? Let me give a quick list:

1) Job anxiety: I'll leave it at this, but know that there are significant changes that leave me anything but comfortable and confident.

2) Church anxiety: I started a new service with three friends at a church here in town almost 1 year ago. Two of the friends have removed themselves from any sort of active involvement, which leads the brunt of the work for the other two.

3) Basement anxiety: We've lived in this house for nearly 5 years now. We finally decided to move on finishing the basement (we have a two year old living in our closet because the rooms for the children aren't done in the basement). As we've worked on the basement we've run into multiple issues: leaky, condensating windows, cracks in the foundation, budget issues (see reason #1), time issues (see reason #1 and #2), etc.

4) Health anxiety: My family has been sick this fall/winter. Don't know why, but it seems like as soon as one is healthy, the next one falls. Once it gets around to all six of us, it just seems to start over.

5) Personal disappointment: Over the past year, my convictions in certain areas related to our purpose and pursuits have strengthened considerably. The problem is, the more I strive after purpose, the more disappointed in my abilities I become.

What all does this amount to? Well, honestly not really much. There's nothing in the above list that really matters from an eternal perspective. Yet these very things have driven walls between me and God. I know that God didn't put the walls up, which means that I must have... so... here we go back to reason #5.

People always suggest taking a step back and gaining perspective on things. Or perhaps reading a book about particular matters. The big problem is that when I feel so strapped for time and energy that I can't even read THE book or talk to THE Man about what's going on, how could ever make time for some other reading material?

Now don't get me wrong... God's still done some amazing things lately. The problem is, I just simply don't understand "why?"... or better yet "why me?". This holds equally true for both the good and the bad situations.

Do you ever pray for God to show up in an amazingly unmistakable way? Do something so outrageous that there is no way to doubt? Did He do it or was it a case (as Jason describes) where you were just talking to yourself?

It is times like this that I wonder "is this a perfect plan or just a carnival ride?"

My heart knows what the answer is, but my mind seems to want to disagree.

Jim

We Must Go...

2007-11-13T20:48:00.000-08:00

This past weekend I had the pleasure of attending the Christian Music Summit in Seattle, Washington with some members of the praise team from Parkview.

It was a great conference with lots of well known worship artists and Christian musicians from the past and present. Paul Baloche, Brian Doerksen, Pocket Full of Rocks, Phil Keaggy, Lincoln Brewster, Scott and Christine Dente (Out of the Grey), Zoro the drummer, Rick Cua, Billy Smiley (of White Heart), Roby Duke, Tim Hughes, Robbie Seay Band and Tommy Walker just to name a few of the presenters/performers.

There was a ton of great camaraderie among the four of us attendeding... including some great discussions on spirituality, worship, the journey that got us to that point in life and... well... lots of humor based around one-liners from movies and imitations of bodily functions (right, Steve!?).

These events (remember back to my post on going to Nashville?) always have a way of tugging at my heart. I don't think I could ever describe in words my mental state at events like this.

I don't attribute it to the abilities of any man, but more that I believe God has been/is trying to get my attention.

I don't know how many people were there, but they (for the most part) were all worship leaders and musicians... so imagine if you will your favorite praise song's a cappella section being sung by several thousand people in tight harmony. It was amazing.

I realized three things at this event:

1) I care too much about what people think. I was standing there during a particularly moving worship time (I'll talk more about this later) feeling like I wanted to be more outward with my expression of worship, but feeling too self-conscious about doing so because I was standing between Steve and Brian (two of the other team members). I was worried that I'd appear "freaky" to them... I should correct that... I was worried that I'd appear MORE freaky to them (I already take a fair amount of pounding for the fact that I color my hair and use more hair care products than any man should). Trading my worship for God for acceptance from man... hmmm.

2) I love worship through music. I love playing it. I love listening to it. I love taking Christ's salvation to the churched and unchurched alike. It seems to be deeply engraved in me as something that God either allows me to do or wants me to do. There is something about tying the beauty of music to the beauty of God's love for us. Don't take me wrong, I'm not anti-secular music... in fact me and another worship leader in town have been doing coffee shop gigs in which we use secular music as part of our set... I'm just saying there is something magic to the depth of God's love set to music for me.

3) This is the big one... this is the thing I've been wrestling with for a couple of years... God keeps bringing people and events into my life that deal with the orphans, widows, broken, homeless etc. I'm not sure how to process it all.

Maybe I'll save my commentary on it for another time, but I want to share with you the lyrics to a song this past weekend that has really been causing me to sit down and consider what we do with what God has given us.

The song is called "God of Justice" and it is from Tim Hughes most recent recording.

God of Justice, Saviour to all
Came to rescue the weak and the poor
Chose to serve and not be served

Jesus, You have called us
Freely we've received
Now freely we will give

We must go
Live to feed the hungry
Stand beside the broken
We must go
Stepping forward
Keep us from just singing
Move us into action
We must go

To act justly everyday
Loving mercy in every way
Walking humbly before You God

You have shown us, what You require
Freely we've received
Now freely we will give

Fill us up and send us out
Fill us up and send us out
Fill us up and send us out Lord

That one line... "stepping forward - keep us from just singing - move us into action" just slays me.

I'll write more on what this has meant to me and my wrestling with God's will for me over the next few days.

Jim

Jesus Loves Me This I Know...

2007-10-16T00:36:00.000-07:00

Tonight I had a late practice with my friend Paul. He and I are playing (along with two other guys) at a coffee shop this coming Friday night. (Note: If you are interested, it is at the "Coffee Emporium and Cafe" in Hiawatha. We start at 7 pm).

Paul and I talked a little tonight about how difficult we humans seem to be able to make things. It seems we always want a little more, a better explanation or to turn things into a deep discussion of why the person sitting next to us is wrong and we are right.

The thing is, is that it really isn't that hard. Don't get me wrong, I'm not claiming that we should have discussions or that we shouldn't be students of the Bible and think deeply on subjects... I'm just saying don't forget the simple truths.

Jesus Christ died for my sins. He rose again. I believe that to be true. I believe that in Him doing so and me accepting the gift that He gave of Himself, I have been forgiven and granted salvation... my eternity secure.

When I sit and think about that, I'm just in awe of how amazing that is. I didn't earn it. I didn't buy it. I didn't create it. I didn't find it... God gave it to me and just asked me to accept and acknowledge it.

As Paul and I stood there tonight watching the fog roll in and the stars shine in the sky, you just couldn't help but be amazed by the beauty and strength of our God... and then to think that same God... the God of the universe loves even me. Wow.

Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me... the Bible tells me so.

Jim

This Is Dedicated To The One I Love

2007-10-02T22:46:00.000-07:00

Ok... so I'm borrowing a line from the Shirelles song... you got a problem with that!? *grin*

I've been sitting up in my office tonight replaying some events of the last couple of days. I've had several "inspirational" moments that have been enjoyable and caused me deep thought... but I decided that those things are not what I want to write about tonight.

Instead I would like to tell you about a person whom I have the honor of calling my best friend... my wife, Ashley.

Tonight we attended a banquet for The House of Hope in Cedar Rapids. The House of Hope is a ministry that strives to help women learn about themselves as children of God. They deal with many issues that I know are near and dear to the hearts of many women (physical and mental health, relationships, mentoring, prayer life etc.).

Ashley got involved with The House of Hope a few years back. She was at a point in her life (we actually both were) where she was trying to break free from some things that she felt hindered her walk with God.

Let me just stop for a minute and tell you how proud of Ashley I was (and am) when she told me that she wanted to try to get free from some of these issues. She wanted to be a better mom, a better wife and most of all a better follower of Christ.

You see, Ashley and I have been on a kick for the past couple of years of trying to be real in our walk. Sometimes we do better than other days, but the point is that it is our sincere hope to actually be what we claim to be as a believer.

During Ashley's two years of taking classes and being involved in the lives of other women in the community, I can tell you without a doubt that I have seen a HUGE change. Its amazing thing when you get to watch a person who already had a beautiful heart change, grow and cling closer to God as their heart grows even more beautiful.

She'd be the first to tell you that she thinks she has a long way yet to go... but I'll be the first to tell you that we ALL do and I've seen incredible change already.

Let's fast forward to tonight. A few weeks back, the staff at the house asked Ashley if she'd be willing to share some of her testimony for a video that they wanted to show at the banquet. She agreed (if you know Ashley, this in itself was a big step in her breaking out from underneath some fears).

Needless to say, I saw the video tonight at the banquet and she did an awesome job. I leaned over and whispered in her ear after the video "wow!! I'm married to a movie star!!"

If you could see the ground that she has crossed in the last two years... witnessed the tears that fell... talked through the changes of heart and the increased desire to be a light into people's lives... I know that you would be as proud of her as I am.

I married an amazing woman. I couldn't be more proud of her... not because of the video, but because of all the things that she is laying before God's feet and allowing Him to truly speak into her life.

Yep, I married a star... one of God's own.

Jim

Ya, Hey Der!!

2007-08-20T19:22:00.000-07:00

Well, I just returned from a quick trip up to Duluth, Minnesota to see my family and you know what? I really have nothing bad to say about the weekend.

Sure, there were a few bumps and the weather was a little on the cold/rainy side... but it was a chance to see some people and get away from the rest of life for a little while.

Everything started on a high note when I decided to email a friend (if he is ok with me calling him that) to see if there was any chance he could meet me for coffee on my way through the Twin Cities. This individual has been someone that I've respected greatly in the music industry and have been trying to get to know better over the past several years.

Much to my surprise, we were actually able to get together (he even drove an hour round-trip to make the meeting).

I'll be honest and say that it was very refreshing to sit and talk with this individual. Not only did he have a lot of positive things to share about how he and I relate to the music industry, but more importantly we were able to discuss quite a few spiritual things.

I think one of the most impressive thing was that as we ended the meeting (his daughters were having a High School Musical 2 party, so he had to get home), he asked what he could do to help me out. I have no reason to doubt his sincerity, so I have to tell you that it says a great deal about this individual's character.

Not to mention that it was my first visit to a Caribou Coffee shop... and they have awesome white chocolate hot chocolate!

Great way to start the weekend!

We got to Duluth after dinner that night and spent some time hanging out with family. Any concerns we had about things being "tense" (we hadn't been together as a family for over 3 years) quickly dissipated.

It was just a matter of minutes before we entered into the same routines as last time we visited. Jokes were made, card games were played, food was consumed.

My oldest brother-in-law Todd even challenged the majority of us to fußball. After several attempts at taking him down, I must humbly admit that he is indeed the champion.

I have to give a big hand to my wife... she was a huge example of servanthood throughout the weekend. She watched kids (9 cousins total!) while me, my brother and my two sisters goofed off, she put up with sharing a cramped single bed with my daughter for the three nights we were there and most importantly, she took some time to sit down and discuss some pretty deep and significant spiritual issues with one of my siblings.

This of course all came after taking the kids and walking around a scary mall while me and my friend met for coffee on the first day.

What can I say, I married an awesome lady.

So... now I'm back at my desk, facing what could be a busy and stressful week... but I am very thankful for this past weekend and the various parts of life that were touched by it.

So there you have it... I could go on and on... but I'll maybe save some of it for future posts!

In Him,
Jim

Mind, Matter And The Insecure Musician

2007-08-15T15:39:00.000-07:00

I was reading Jason's blog yesterday and ever since have been having trouble putting some ideas to rest.

Jason and I had talked briefly this past weekend about the state of our hearts. How we feel about the music we write, the people we are in front of, the convictions that God has placed in our hearts. Truth be told, after reading Jason's blog I feel pretty guilty that I didn't acknowledge the opportunity to dive deeper into the subject with him.

I've mentioned before that I'm what I guess most would call an accomplished musician. I've had a lot of great experiences and opportunities that are "above average"... but yet I spend an awful lot of time comparing myself to Jason, Joel, Andrew, Andy, Andy, Sara, Jill, etc.

Not so much putting them on a pedestal, but more so wishing that I could be a part of it all.

It seems so easy for me to see the purpose, passion and talent behind what they (and others) do... but not so easy to see it in myself.

I often wonder how God could have ingrained such a deep love of music and such an emotional tie to being a part of it into my very being... but only give me the abilities that I have.

I know it sounds like I'm angry at God about this, but rest assured... I'm not. Its more a deep longing to be useful. To understand at least a glimpse of why He created me the way He did.

Frankly, I'm often jealous when I hear how tight knit a group of musicians I respect have become. It seems I'm either in the wrong place at the wrong time, or that I'm just not the right type of person. I'm not cool enough. I'm not stylish enough. I'm not tall enough. I'm not short enough. I'm too fat. I'm too bald. I'm not witty enough. I don't command a stage... of course these are all things related to the world's standards.

As my wife would say, I'm in bondage to not being happy with who I am.

So... let me get back to Jason's blog. While a great deal of what Jason was saying was related to whether or not people understand and accept his music (not so much him as a person), I think it still brings to light that most musicians (especially Christians who are musicians) tend to have a poor self image either about themselves or their art. Strange, isn't it?

I sang about 30 seconds of a song for a friend on Sunday in front of Jason and all I could think about was what he thought. Not what I was singing. Not how privileged I was to be asked to sing for my friend. More or less I just sat there thinking "people with real talent know that I'm a joke". Jason didn't say anything negative. He didn't show negative body language... nothing to make me think that I did anything wrong. It is all just how I perceive it.

My wife talked with some of her friends about insecurities and they were all amazed at how insecure I am about things musical (ok... and many more things in life too), because when they see me they tend to see the same things that I see when I look at people like Andrew or Jason.

So where does that leave me? I'll tell you this much... my sincere prayer is that God would use me in spite of my insecurities. I pray that He would have a place to use my voice and my heart to reach people. I just don't feel that I can deny what I believe to be a call, but I have no idea how it is to manifest itself.

It is often a deep and dark struggle for me to wake up at 35 years of age and believe that God has something in store for me. Its a fight that often takes everything that I have in me.

As Jason talks about in his song "This Far", I cling to what I believe God is calling me toward even though I don't understand it.

"I don’t believe You brought me this far to give up
So everyday I keep on fighting for it
Show me again what I was made for
Help me to see
How You’re moving me"

So that's the bottom line. I'm insecure. God's done a lot to shake me up this year and still seems to be doing so... but I don't believe He brought me this far to give up. So everyday I keep on fighting for it.

I'm thankful for friends like Jason. Friends that understand the muse that is music and are honest enough with themselves to be real in front of people. To admit that we struggle. Believing that someday God will make it clear. Believing that we all have something to contribute. Continuing to try to hear that still small voice and act in obedience, while the world around us screams "you are nothing!"

In Him,
Jim

Does This Mean I've Lost Control?

2007-08-13T11:56:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, my family was blessed with a chance to spend some time with a couple of friends from Minnesota. They came down to be a part of the "Connect!" service that I help organize at Cedar Valley Bible Church here in Cedar Rapids.

You see, Jason is a very talented musician and a gifted speaker... so we put him to work!

We ended the evening by going out to a local restaurant... Jason and his wife... and my whole family (all 4 kids included!). Do you feel sorry for the Minnesotans yet?

Jason and I ordered meatloaf. The ladies ordered soup and salad. I'm pretty sure there is some sort of stereotypical joke in there.

The point of this really isn't what we ate... the point is that they were gracious enough to endure hanging out with my kids.

Don't get me wrong, I love my kids dearly... but let me show you what I walked into this afternoon when I went downstairs from my office.

First, observe my second oldest, Reid:

In case you can't tell... that is a pillow on his head that is in the shape of a baseball glove. He removed the ball and decided his head should go in its place.

Let's move on to my daughter, Grace:

My wife, Ashley, has been teaching a couple classes on being a "princess" in God's eyes. Do you think Grace has latched on to that concept?

My oldest, Andersen, apparently doesn't rank high enough in the princess/baseball glove royalty line... so he was demoted to the role of the horse. Notice Grace's proper side-saddle position.

Ok... now for the creme de la creme. My youngest son, Griffin, has been spending the afternoon listening to a CD that Jason was kind enough to give us last night. I think he has spent a little too much time watching me play on stage because... well... this was his heart-felt response to Jason's CD. And yes... in case you couldn't tell, that is our living room coffee table!!

Yep... I've definitely lost control.

Jim

When I Grow Up...

2007-08-11T23:27:00.000-07:00

Wow... so it has really been over a month since I last wrote something here, eh? Sorry about that. I know my millions of readers are just sitting on the edge of their seat waiting to see what witty, deep and/or insightful river of intellect will spew from my mouth next. (Did that sound sarcastic enough? *grin*)

Truth be told, I have been insanely busy with work projects lately. The company that I work for (Laridian) has been working on some awesome new products and all of us at work have been swept up in the necessities surrounding the release of new products.

I just got home tonight (1:29 AM) from letting a musical friend of mine into my parent's house for the weekend. He's been out on the road and drove in from another state tonight to play at church tomorrow.

I tell you this because hanging out with other musicians always makes my mind start to wander. So here I was driving home from my parent's house tonight... out in the country, listening to a Jill Phillips CD in the van... wondering and asking the same question that 14 year olds ask... "What do I want to be when I grow up?"

Have you ever noticed how life tends to complicate that question? The older we get, the more we tend to answer that question with simplified comments related to work and family and such. The more (at least in my case) we make excuses about how we could never do such and such.

As I mentioned in my last post (a month ago)... some things in life have really kind of shaken my thinking. They have really made me go back to the root of the question and then expand on it a little. "What does GOD want me to be AS I grow up?"

In my particular case, if I'm totally honest, I'd say that I struggle with where I think God wants me to be with whether or not I think I have any talents in that area. My lack of talent makes me fearful of taking any risks in certain areas... even if I think God wants me to trust Him.

So... it takes me back to my drive out on the country road tonight... What do I want to be when I grow up? I could list things like "a programmer" or "a musician"... but I think my answer is more along the lines of this: "obedient", "willing", "trusting"... you get the idea.

I'm not there yet. Not even close. Life has cause me so much panic lately that its just revealed to me more and more how much more I need to grow up. How much more I need to seek Him.

What do you think? Look at your life right now... would you be willing to take a step in a totally different direction?

In Him,
Jim

Sorting It Out

2007-07-09T20:48:00.000-07:00

You ever have those moments where life just seems... well... heavy?

Things that once brought great joy just seem to ring a little empty?

How about feelings of anxiety or depression related to times of year?

What do you attribute those feelings to? Is it coincidence? Is it chemical? Is it purely emotional?

Could it be something deeper? How about spiritual? Is there a literal battle between God and Satan for our heart and mind?

Truly, I'd like to know your thoughts. My reason? Well... lately I've been walking through one of those valleys.

I won't bore you with details, but let me just say that some things have been occuring in my personal life that are causing anxiety.

For example, my 91 (almost 92) year old grandmother fell down on the final morning of our family reunion a week or so ago and broke her hip/leg. If you knew my grandmother, you'd understand that this is a huge setback for her. She is very independent and acts like a woman of much fewer years. There is a chance she might spend the rest of her life in a care facility... when just days ago she was dancing the night away with the rest of the family as we played and sang music out on the deck of the cabin.

My uncle (who happens to live near my grandmother) and his wife have been evacuated from their new home in the Black Hills due to an approaching wild fire. As of this evening, the fire is about 1 mile from their house.

A close friend of mine (he's like a brother to me) and his wife recently found out that they have lost a baby during pregnancy.

Of the four areas I consider the "focus" of my life (God, family/friends, work and music) I can honestly say that none of them are settled. Each one has its unique stress and cause for anxiety right now.

Some of them are things I've subjected myself to and some of them are things that I have no control over, but could impact my life and the lives of others.

So the past few days have been rough for me.

I'm normally a person who really doesn't mind being alone. In fact I often enjoy a little peace and quiet. However a few days ago I found myself alone while my family was away at an event and well... I really didn't want to be alone that particular night.

What's that all about?

Sometimes it is scary waiting to see how God is going to handle something, isn't it? Makes you wonder how some of the people in the Bible felt when God gave them an instruction that from a human perspective might have seemed vague or seemed to just be irresponsible or illogical.

Do we... do I... trust God enough to know that He has a plan already crafted for my life and the lives of those around me that I care about?

In Him,
Jim

A Puppet Show, A Rap Group And Me

2007-06-26T21:15:00.000-07:00

Well... it finally happened. This past Saturday I officially stepped into my mid-thirties by turning 35.

Normally I wouldn't blog about such an event, but this particular birthday was... well... different.

You see, my friend Paul is a worship pastor at another church in town. Paul, by the way, is like uber tall... but that's another story. Paul's wife, Julia, is a DJ on the local Christian radio station. Still following me? Ok... the radio station teamed up with a group from the Cedar Rapids area called "Raising Praise Ministries" to put on a day of Christian entertainment in the city park in Marion... where I live (no, I don't live in the park... I live in Marion). Still with me? While putting together the schedule, they realized they needed some additional acts to fill some of the time slots... so Paul decided he'd throw together a band to play the event.

The band consisted of 6 guys from various churches around Cedar Rapids and Iowa City. All kinds of denominations were represented, which in itself was really cool. You see Paul and I share the desire to see churches break down false or man made barriers and come along side each other in serving God as a community of believers... so it was really cool to just worship with a bunch of brothers in Christ.

All different age groups were represented too... I think from the youngest to the oldest band member we crossed almost 30 years!! Very cool.

It was a short set... something like 5 or 6 songs... but it was a lot of fun.

The weather was overcast, but it made for a cooler than average day which was great!

Ok... so now for the funny part:

I'm going to mention some "accomplishments" from my musical career in order to help set the stage. Forgive me if it seems like I'm bragging... I'm really just wanting to drive the point home and show the humor in this all.

I've toured 3 continents performing music.
I've sang on stage at Carnegie Hall (yes.. for an actual concert).
I've opened for several "well known" acts.
I've played concerts in excess of 20,000 people in attendance.
I've had a record deal.
I've held endorsement deals with musical equipment manufacturers.
I've had a song in the top 10 in national radio.

But there are a couple things that I've never been able to say I've been a part of... until now!!!

This past weekend was a TRUE Spinal Tap moment:

(If you've never seen the movie... you probably won't understand and I can't claim that it would be an edifying movie for you to watch.)

You see, we had a very special opening act for the show.... A PUPPET SHOW!!

And so began the Spinal Tap quotes: "If I've told them once... I've told them a thousand times... Spinal Tap and THEN the puppet show!" "Well, we have the bigger dressing room!"

It was one of those moments that just sort of makes you smile.

To add to the unusual happenings, we were immediately followed up by a two person rap group!

I'll be totally honest with you all... the puppet show was actually very good. Very well done by a group of young puppeteers.

I can't comment on the rap group, as I was packing equipment back up.

All of that to say that it truly was a lot of fun. It was great, but busy, way to spend my birthday... celebrating that it takes all kinds to do the work for which God called us. Celebrating diversity. Celebrating fellowship. Celebrating Him over all else.

What a blast.

Although it wasn't Carnegie Hall or the Sydney Convention Center, it was truly a blessing to hang out with good and Godly men and just come along side each other in worship. I can also honestly say that sharing a stage with men who desire to glorify God even in the littlest things means so much more than the size of the audience or the name on the outside of the building.

You can't ask for anything more or better than that.

Well... maybe one thing better... hanging out with friends while wearing a Cocoa Puffs t-shirt.

In Him,
Jim

Castle On A Hill?

2007-05-29T09:45:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was a busy one... between leading songs for Saturday night, Sunday morning and Sunday night services and getting ready for a show I'm doing with another artist this upcoming weekend, my fingers are sore to the bone and I'm feeling pretty warn out. None of the services felt particularly "safe" from my standpoint, but that's ok because it is not about me, right?

The weekend did allow me some time to talk with some trusted friends and contemplate a few things that have been nagging at me for some time.

I even started working some more on a few songs that I'd like to record on my own... a scary endeavor for someone who isn't confident in their talents and has always had other band mates to help him along the way.

I've been asking a few "friends" in the music business to write some songs with me, but as of yet I haven't been able to convince any of them... maybe I smell bad or something. *grin*

Maybe my frustration with some of the other things in life has skewed my perception, but I wanted to share one thing that has really been heavy on my heart and mind over the past year or so. It is a phenomenon in which churches and individuals have become increasingly inward focused. Of course there is "nothing new under the sun", but hear me out for a moment...

Matthew 5:14 talks about being like a city on a hill... basically being so filled with our purpose in God, that we cannot help but show Him to others. However, most of what I see these days reminds me more of a castle on a hill. We spend so much time arguing symantics and difference between churches... or even WITHIN churches... that there is little to no time left to be any sort of light to others. We've made it all about the pomp and circumstance... The legalism over the intended purpose... The casual Christian over the follower of Christ.

How many times do things like attire in the church need to be discussed? How about all the things that are wrong with such and such church across town? How about the battles between the youth and the older generations in the church?

The list can go on and on: dispensations, gifts, teaching styles, music styles, etc.

As these battles rage on behind the closed gate of our castles, the villagers are starving in the little town at the bottom of the hill.

I'm not suggesting that some differences and some discussions aren't worth having... but I am suggesting that we need to be very careful about what we make issue over because of most of them are based upon personal preference. We can of course find some weak, out of context references to pick our battles, but by in large we simply don't need to go there.

I've had a few experiences in my life that have really changed my way of thinking... maybe someday I'll discuss them, but chances are I'm the only one who finds them interesting. What I discovered in all of this is that although I consider myself conservative (I'm talking spiritually... let's leave politics out for right now)... I've learned that the more conservative I become, the more radical/liberal I am beginning to look in the modern church's eyes. The more Christ like I intend to be, the less legalistic and prim and proper I become.

You tell me... if Jesus was here walking the earth in the form of a man right now, do you think He'd be arguing within the church walls about whether we should wear a suit and tie versus jeans and a button down shirt... or do you think He would be asking us why we aren't taking His word beyond the walls of our castle?

A city on a hill invites people in... a castle on a hill closes people off in order to protect their way of life... which would you rather be?

In Him,
Jim

(all bible passage links are from BibleGateway.com)

Taking It For Granted

2007-05-22T13:42:00.000-07:00

Over the past three weeks I have been involved with a new worship service. This service is particularly aimed at calling God's people to action and challenging them beyond their status quo. This all seems like something that most Christians should already understand, but I'm convinced it really isn't the case... starting with myself!

This past Sunday night, I conducted an impromptu poll during the service. I asked the congregation to raise their hand if they own a shirt with the name or logo of their favorite sports team. Probably 75% of the people in the room raised their hand. Next I asked how many people own a shirt with their favorite music group, TV show or movie. Once again I would say about 60% of the congregation raised their hand. Next I asked how many people are ashamed to wear those shirts in public. Not a single hand went up.

The point of the poll was to explain how much emphasis and enthusiasm we put behind things of this world... even things that we aren't even remotely involved in. We like to celebrate the lack of mediocrity among OTHER people.

Imagine what this world could be like if we had the same lack of shame for "wearing" Jesus on a day to day basis. Imagine what it would be like if expressing our faith in God was as simple and effortless as grabbing your favorite sporting team's shirt out of the closet for the day. Imagine what it would be like if our response toward worship and praise to God equaled the response that we often show while watching someone make a touchdown or cross the finish line neck and neck with another opponent?

Imagine what it would be like if we entered into things like communion with full appreciation of the greatest gift ever given us... instead of just following the crowd.

Grown men will jump out of their chairs and scream at the TV in "worship" of a couple dozen college kids... whom they have never met and know nothing of their character... running into each other on a big plot of grass.

That same man will sit bored out of his mind in church on Sunday morning after having spent the past 6 days "avoiding" God... the Creator of the universe... ignoring the fact that we have a specific relationship with God through Christ and are therefore purposed for His work and worship. We aren't just a spectator with season tickets.

God designed us to be passionate people. Christ showed several times over that He Himself responded WITH (not BECAUSE of) emotion.

So... I challenge you... I challenge me... when you are sitting down to listen to your favorite CD this week, ask yourself if you've spent the same amount of energy in understanding God's beauty as you have your favorite song lyrics and chord progressions? When you watch the latest movie or your favorite TV show, ask yourself if you've spent the same time understanding God's story as you have following Jack Bauer? When you watch your favorite sports team compete on the field, ask yourself if you've spent the same amount of enthusiasm being a witness for Christ as you have being a fan of a group men or women.

In Him,
Jim

God Is Good

2007-05-09T21:35:00.000-07:00

Sometimes God just sort of sneaks up and amazes you when you don't expect it.

I know that sounds like a vague statement, but come on... you know it is true.

I'm in a state of being wonderfully confused right now. You see, life right now is extremely busy. So busy that Ashley and I often don't know which end is coming or going, but yet it is exciting because so much is happening.

First off, let me brag on my wife for a moment. If you're a husband, you can maybe relate to the excitement of watching your wife grow in her walk with God. Sometimes big steps, sometimes small steps. Over the past year, my wife has grown by leaps and bounds and is really being bold in her faith. I'm not so much commenting on her ability to boldly share with others (though she is much better about this than I am), but more so her ability to trust in her faith. Her ability to let go of the reins and allow God to steer even when we can't see the outcome.

What's most exciting about it is that Ashley and I are both feeling the desire to really grow and stretch ourselves in certain areas related to this.

I think maybe it started a little over 3 years ago when I started working with Laridian. Prior to the change I had been with a company for 11 years and so it was a big decision to try something new, but I haven't regretted it even once. There is something really nice about working with people you know you can trust and that you also have the honor of calling friends.

My point is that even though we often fear what is in front of us, we (and by "we" I mean "I") need to remember that God is already there.

Instead of looking for reasons why we can't do something, we need to look at stepping out in faith and being willing to go where God wants us... just like when I left my old job and started working for Laridian. A lot of things fell into place and I just have to believe that God's hand was in it.

I've got a similar situation going on right now not related to my job but rather related to my music. I won't go into detail, as I'm not sure I'm supposed to just yet, but I will say that I met with a friend on Monday who presented an opportunity that sounds really exciting to me. I then met with another friend on Tuesday and talked through yet some more opportunities... and later in that same day received a response on an email from yet another person music related.

Keep in mind that this is all after the band I had been a part of for the past 15 years of my life disintegrated before my eyes.

Sure, there is a scared feeling involved with stepping out into new territories musically (a few of which put me into positions that I question my own skill in relation to the need presented), but I'm relying on the fact that God is indeed good. I am wanting to make sure I examine doors that He opens rather than trying to keep life "comfortable".

Maybe I'll explain more later once the situation settles a little.

In Him,
Jim

It Is Nice To Know...

2007-05-02T09:35:00.000-07:00

A good friend of mine recently emailed me about some struggles he is having. Without explaining his situation, let me just say that I can't imagine any one handling it better than he has. It has been amazing to watch.

That's not how he sees it, however. He told me that he at times feels like he is being fake or being a poser, because he always seems to slip back into a world of doubt and fear.

I can relate to what he is saying... when things get busy it just seems natural to feel overwhelmed and it becomes very easy to lose perspective. Sitting here even now, I'm balancing about 5 different major tasks for the day (involving work, church, personal stuff etc) and feeling like I'd rather just go back to bed.

The interesting thing is that I don't think my friend and I are the only ones who struggle with this ebb and flow. In fact I know we aren't.

My bible reading lately has me in the early part of Judges. I am amazed at how Israel continuously stands up and falls down over and over.

It sort of reminds me of watching my children when asked to stop doing something: they show brief remorse as they are rebuked, but left to their own devices the will revert back to it again within a matter of minutes. Over and over the cycle goes.

This is not to say that I ought to be happy with the fact that I have my lulls, but it does prove once again that "there is nothing new under the sun".

In Him,
Jim

People Disappoint Me

2007-04-24T20:15:00.000-07:00

It is true... I said it... I mean it... people disappoint me.

Over the past several weeks I have had a few situations in which I was hoping for responses or reactions from particular individuals. In one case, they have yet to responsed... in another, we talk from time to time but anytime something of substance comes up, they tend to disappear.

In talking with a close friend here in town (hey Ostrich!!) it seems that I'm not the only one disappointed by the way people act and think. He's been spending his time lately dealing with a very difficult situation in which many people are thinking of one thing and one thing only... themselves.

None of this is surprising, after all each and every one of us is constantly caught up in the battle between God and flesh, mind and heart, "life" and living.

None of the people I am disappointed by "owe" me anything... I'm not waiting for them to fulfill a promise or anything of that sort, I just simply expected more from them.

As my mind wanders, I start to think about all of the times that people have expected more of me than I was willing to give... be it my wife, my kids, my parents, my friends, my church, my job/bosses, myself or even my Lord. It is a sobering thought!

I've been reading in Joshua and Judges lately and have been amazed at how many people in the bible disappointed God... Judges in particular is full of God showing favor followed by disappointment toward people who simply didn't seem to "get it". There were consequences, but God was faithful to His plan for those people.

We are very much the same way... constantly and consistently disappointing God and crying out to Him when things don't go our way... yet the Lord still desires to call each of us His own. How amazing is that? He is the ONLY one with truly unconditional love.

What an example... here we are, a world full of disappointing people, and yet God desires us to spend time with Him.

I guess the point of this all is when people disappoint me, it must be because I am looking at them through my eyes instead of God's.

In Him,
Jim

The Blahs

2007-04-17T10:50:00.000-07:00

Ever have those days where you just want to go back to bed?

Sometime over this past weekend, I managed to catch whatever sickness my kids have been passing around and I have to tell you that it has pretty much taken me down.

I'm tired of coughing (I have a very loud cough) every 5 minutes and having every time I sneeze look like some long lost footage from one of the Ghostbusters movies (ok... gross, I know).

I'm in this constant state of going from a "night time so you can sleep medicine" to pain relievers and nose spray during the day... ewwwww.

Being sick is bad enough, but it just so happens that this week involves me playing at a worship conference and singing in a wedding for my boss's daughter!! Not to mention the various family activities such as soccer games and practices for the kids.

Ok... that's enough for now.

Jim

One Versus Ninety-Nine

2007-04-12T13:47:00.000-07:00

Today in my reading, I came across some verses that are probably familiar to most... Luke 15:4-7. In light of my recent convictions in regard to what it is I do with my music, these verses really hit home.

How often is it that we are more concerned with the one who is lost than we are with the ninety-nine who aren't? My guess is "not nearly enough".

This isn't meant to start a debate over seeker churches/missionaries/outreaches etc... I'm talking about on a personal level. What does this mean to you and me?

I was talking to Scott via email this week about how it seems Christian musicians (that is to say a musician that is a Christian) have weakened or removed their desire to use their music as an outreach. It has become more about playing to an expectation than it has been serving a purpose or avoiding being associated with a genre in fear of someone judging your art.

If our art and our ministry are purposed toward serving God, what does that look like? Which is the better scenario; the artist who is blatant about their purpose and has no problem wearing the title of Christian artist or the artist who says that they are a believer and that their music reflects their person as a whole (thus trying to avoiding being pigeonholed into a particular genre)?

I've got friends who fall on both sides of the fence and who are all (from as much as I am capable of seeing) spirit-filled believers with a good intentioned, God-fearing heart.

Which allows us better to pursue the one versus the ninety-nine? And is that our real reason for the choices we have made?

These are sincere and honest questions, as I can truly see the purpose of both sides.

A year or so back, I adopted the position of "I am who I am in Christ and I don't really care what people label me" - meaning that if someone calls me a Christian artist, then I am... if someone calls me a Christian who is an artist (see the difference?), then I am.

The big question is did I adopt that position so that I could reach more people or so that I wouldn't have to take a stand for what I believe (possibly at the risk of the audiences who might hear my music)?

Maybe I'm guilty of leaving all one hundred?

Jim

(all bible passage links are from BibleGateway.com)

When It Rains... It Snows?

2007-04-11T10:22:00.000-07:00

You ever get the feeling that the harder you try to get things on track, the more impossible it seems to be?

My wife and I were discussing this the other night. We have both committed to a bible reading plan and have been having fun picking on each other as one of us gets ahead of the other during the day.

Then those little things started happening... I had a discussion with a close friend over some things that have been on my heart and received a response that wasn't quite what I expected from them... My car comes out of the repair shop with a large dollar amount of repairs, and it now looks like there are some additional things to be done, which of course means more money... Our 2 year old son, Griffin, spiked a 105 degree fever last night (which thankfully came down a few degrees), causing a chain reaction of events needing to be canceled including our daughter Grace's birthday party and a field trip to the art museum... I came up to my office to check email and I had an email about my good friend Jody's condition being less than ideal (I'll explain this in another post sometime)... Another email stated that a friend's son was checked into the hospital last night because he has been confused, disoriented and very lethargic... And to top if all off, after a few weeks of beautiful Spring weather, it is now snowing in Iowa. Weather experts predict a decent amount of accumulation and some icy roads and such.

So, what gives? Is it that our brain becomes hyper aware of our surroundings when we are trying to stay on track? Is it something deeper? A spiritual warfare of sorts? Is it God seeing if we truly are trusting Him in all matters? Is it all just coincidence?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not sitting here thinking the world is caving in around me and playing the pity game... nothing of the sort. I'm very thankful for the things in my life that are both good and bad. I just find it interesting that this is the way the pattern seems to work at times and thought I'd throw it out there for comment.

Do I believe it could be a spiritual warfare thing? Sure. Do I believe it could be God allowing trial? Sure. Do I believe that it might just be coincidence? Sure. Do I believe that I have to know the reason? Absolutely not. I'm not God (nor would I want to be... wow, talk about stress!!)

I think it is a good reminder that there are lots of things that happen in life that we can't explain. Some major and some minor. I hold to the fact that if we knew why things happen to us or those around us, we wouldn't really have a need to trust God, now would we? Part of my faith is knowing that God is God and that no matter how bizarre, coincidental or painful the circumstance, He is still God.

"My hope is built on nothing less..."

In Him,
Jim

Be Deliberate.

2007-04-09T10:40:00.000-07:00

He is risen... He is risen indeed!

Awesome thought when it really gets down to it, isn't it?

I spent a wonderful weekend celebrating Christ's resurrection in music and fellowship. I don't think I can ever recall an Easter sermon in my past that included speaking about both Christ's resurrection and the hind quarters of peacocks. Wow... way to go Pastor Gilmore!!

One thing that struck me a little differently this year was a simple thought: Mark 16:6 in the KJV states "He is risen"... The NASB states "He has risen"... both showing us that this occurred in the past. Well duh, Jim... of course Christ was resurrected in the past, what's your point? My point is, "now what?"

We know why He was crucified and we know what it means for us to put our trust in His death and resurrection, but now what?

For some of you, you are undoubtedly reading this and saying "I can answer that" or "this seems pretty remedial", but the fact of the matter is our emphasis in society on making such a huge deal out of our Easter services just reminds me how much we are missing the point the rest of the year.

Without question, Easter is something to be celebrated and something to respectfully present in remembrance of Christ's resurrection, but what if that passage read "He has risen... and He is waiting for you!" What about the other 364 days of the year?

You see, Christ has risen and we have the opportunity to know our Savior on an individual/personal level.

This has all come out of personal conviction. It is easy for us to make Easter or Christmas a priority, but how easy is it for us to make Christ a priority? I crawled out of bed at 5:08 am this past Sunday morning to drive 40 minutes South of my house and participate in worship with the church... would I crawl out of bed at 5:08 am to talk with God?

My wife, Ashley, and I are working through this very thing. We have long been dedicated believers and try to be willing to go the extra mile for whomever needs our assistance, but it has usually been at the expense of our time with God. Not that we didn't pray or read, but more the case that we fit it in around everything else that was happening in life.

Our time with God (especially in my case) had become an extra and not a priority.

At the conference in Nashville I had the opportunity to hear Phil Joel speak. Phil is the former bass player for The Newsboys. What he had to say was extremely convicting to me.

Phil and his wife Heather have started a new ministry called "deliberatePeople." The concept is amazingly simple: God desires to spend time with us on a daily basis. We need to make that a priority.

Wow... what a concept. God desires to talk with us. God desires to teach us. God desires us to come to Him in prayer and worship.

Phil's website provides a reading track and some notes on journaling what it is you are learning daily in reading the Word.

This is no great revelation... ask any Christian and you'd probably be told that we are to be in the Word daily. But ask the same believer how much time they spend reading the latest book by "Dr. Eldridge Piper Moore Swindoll" compared to time in the Word and in prayer and see if the priorities align as they should.

Now don't get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with reading other people's thoughts on life, biblical issues, church issues, etc. The point is are we equally fired up about learning what God the author has to share with us?

A simple concept, but one that I think we are all in need of remembering.

He has risen... and He is waiting for you.

Once a year we all climb out of bed to remember Christ the risen Lord... funny thing is... tomorrow He is still risen. Where will you be then?

In Him,
Jim

(all bible passage links are from BibleGateway.com)

Nashville or Bust

2007-04-06T14:37:00.000-07:00

This past weekend my friend John and I attended a conference in Franklin, Tennessee for independent Christian musicians.

John was actually nominated for an award (which he won!) and had asked me to attend because he thought the conference would be right up my alley.

I can honestly say that I wasn't expecting from the conference what I walked away with.

I went into the conference feeling pretty convinced that I knew the direction my life was heading. I walked out of the conference wondering if I was selling God short.

I know that all sounds rather cryptic, so let me try to define a little of what I'm struggling with:

I have several friends in and around the "music business". Over the years as I've been involved with their careers and various portions of my own musical life, I've tried to shape what I believe are my responsibilities (or lack thereof) related to my music and my faith.

I have a friend who believes that being a church musician is the ultimate for any musician. I have a friend who believes that all art (secular or religious) is a gift from God. I have a friend who believes that music is something he does for his own enjoyment and has little or no bearing on his walk as a believer. I have a friend who believes that music is the means by which we communicate God's love to unbelievers. I have a friend who believes that music is the means by which we remind of God's love to existing believers... etc etc.

I've walked many of these paths with different bands and such myself over the years.

Many of you who are Christians and musicians have probably dealt with or thought about the statement "I am a Christian who happens to be a musician" and what exactly that means to you.

I thought up until this past weekend that I was pretty comfortable with my stance on everything. I have considered myself (after years of being pushed around the system) as a musician who happens to be a Christian.

I purposed my "art" to be family friendly and tasteful, but wasn't overly concerned with how it was perceived as a ministry. Granted, since I also serve as a worship musician/leader I was able to convince myself that I was still using my talents to serve God.

The questions now look something like this in my mind: Am I doing what I do with my music because its easy or am I doing it because it is purposed? Am I doing what I do with my music (and my life) to bring glory to God or because it has become my habit?

I think the answer is that it really doesn't matter what your idea of music and ministry looks like, but what does matter is why you are doing it. Where is the heart of the matter?

This past weekend really revealed to me some things that I've known about myself for quite some time. It really touched on some things that perhaps I had given up on because a) the industry doesn't like it or b) because it is hard work. If I'm serving God, then the industry and my own concept of "work" doesn't really matter.

I can honestly say that I'm more confused (in a good way) about how to use my 34 year old life now than I was when I walked into the building in Franklin last Friday morning.

It is a scary thought to sit back with your comfortable life and say "God use me how you will".

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting that I think I need to go out and be the next big thing in the Christian music scene. I don't believe that an achievement in an industry makes me any more Christ-like. What I am suggesting however, is examining the things I do and the purpose for which I do them. If I truly feel God has blessed me with a talent (which I still have not comfortably concluded), then I need to be using that gift for Him (in my opinion). What that looks like, I'm unsure of.

That's all for now... I'll chew more on this as I feel I have anything new to share!!

Jim

Let me introduce myself...

2007-04-06T14:08:00.000-07:00

Welcome to The Barefoot Servant.

Everyone in the blog world thinks that they have the answers to life's tough questions. You can pretty much find advice about anything and everything if you are willing to look hard enough. Opinions run rampant as to what the "correct" point of view is on just about every issue under the sun.

I want this blog to be something more... something deeper.

I don't want this to be about telling you how I've mastered everything in life and how you can do the same by following my advice. To the contrary, I want to share what it is I'm learning and what it is I've both struggled with and succeeded at. A place for us all to converse and share.

You might wonder why I used this particular name. The answer is actually pretty simple: The idea of a barefoot servant captures two mindsets that I believe are important.

The first one is being a servant to God and others in all that we do. We have been gifted in ways that allow us to uniquely contribute to our families, churches and our society.

The second one is the idea that I am who I am, barefoot before my God. That is to say that fancy clothes (or shoes!), a nice haircut and a massive vocabulary don't change how God sees me. In light of that, I need not be ashamed to stand barefoot before Him scars and all.

I hope what you read here you will find encouraging, thought-provoking and sometimes just plain fun.

In Him,
Jim