When I Grow Up...

Wow... so it has really been over a month since I last wrote something here, eh? Sorry about that. I know my millions of readers are just sitting on the edge of their seat waiting to see what witty, deep and/or insightful river of intellect will spew from my mouth next. (Did that sound sarcastic enough? *grin*)

Truth be told, I have been insanely busy with work projects lately. The company that I work for (Laridian) has been working on some awesome new products and all of us at work have been swept up in the necessities surrounding the release of new products.

I just got home tonight (1:29 AM) from letting a musical friend of mine into my parent's house for the weekend. He's been out on the road and drove in from another state tonight to play at church tomorrow.

I tell you this because hanging out with other musicians always makes my mind start to wander. So here I was driving home from my parent's house tonight... out in the country, listening to a Jill Phillips CD in the van... wondering and asking the same question that 14 year olds ask... "What do I want to be when I grow up?"

Have you ever noticed how life tends to complicate that question? The older we get, the more we tend to answer that question with simplified comments related to work and family and such. The more (at least in my case) we make excuses about how we could never do such and such.

As I mentioned in my last post (a month ago)... some things in life have really kind of shaken my thinking. They have really made me go back to the root of the question and then expand on it a little. "What does GOD want me to be AS I grow up?"

In my particular case, if I'm totally honest, I'd say that I struggle with where I think God wants me to be with whether or not I think I have any talents in that area. My lack of talent makes me fearful of taking any risks in certain areas... even if I think God wants me to trust Him.

So... it takes me back to my drive out on the country road tonight... What do I want to be when I grow up? I could list things like "a programmer" or "a musician"... but I think my answer is more along the lines of this: "obedient", "willing", "trusting"... you get the idea.

I'm not there yet. Not even close. Life has cause me so much panic lately that its just revealed to me more and more how much more I need to grow up. How much more I need to seek Him.

What do you think? Look at your life right now... would you be willing to take a step in a totally different direction?

In Him,
Jim

Sorting It Out

You ever have those moments where life just seems... well... heavy?

Things that once brought great joy just seem to ring a little empty?

How about feelings of anxiety or depression related to times of year?

What do you attribute those feelings to? Is it coincidence? Is it chemical? Is it purely emotional?

Could it be something deeper? How about spiritual? Is there a literal battle between God and Satan for our heart and mind?

Truly, I'd like to know your thoughts. My reason? Well... lately I've been walking through one of those valleys.

I won't bore you with details, but let me just say that some things have been occuring in my personal life that are causing anxiety.

For example, my 91 (almost 92) year old grandmother fell down on the final morning of our family reunion a week or so ago and broke her hip/leg. If you knew my grandmother, you'd understand that this is a huge setback for her. She is very independent and acts like a woman of much fewer years. There is a chance she might spend the rest of her life in a care facility... when just days ago she was dancing the night away with the rest of the family as we played and sang music out on the deck of the cabin.

My uncle (who happens to live near my grandmother) and his wife have been evacuated from their new home in the Black Hills due to an approaching wild fire. As of this evening, the fire is about 1 mile from their house.

A close friend of mine (he's like a brother to me) and his wife recently found out that they have lost a baby during pregnancy.

Of the four areas I consider the "focus" of my life (God, family/friends, work and music) I can honestly say that none of them are settled. Each one has its unique stress and cause for anxiety right now.

Some of them are things I've subjected myself to and some of them are things that I have no control over, but could impact my life and the lives of others.

So the past few days have been rough for me.

I'm normally a person who really doesn't mind being alone. In fact I often enjoy a little peace and quiet. However a few days ago I found myself alone while my family was away at an event and well... I really didn't want to be alone that particular night.

What's that all about?

Sometimes it is scary waiting to see how God is going to handle something, isn't it? Makes you wonder how some of the people in the Bible felt when God gave them an instruction that from a human perspective might have seemed vague or seemed to just be irresponsible or illogical.

Do we... do I... trust God enough to know that He has a plan already crafted for my life and the lives of those around me that I care about?

In Him,
Jim

A Puppet Show, A Rap Group And Me

Well... it finally happened. This past Saturday I officially stepped into my mid-thirties by turning 35.

Normally I wouldn't blog about such an event, but this particular birthday was... well... different.

You see, my friend Paul is a worship pastor at another church in town. Paul, by the way, is like uber tall... but that's another story. Paul's wife, Julia, is a DJ on the local Christian radio station. Still following me? Ok... the radio station teamed up with a group from the Cedar Rapids area called "Raising Praise Ministries" to put on a day of Christian entertainment in the city park in Marion... where I live (no, I don't live in the park... I live in Marion). Still with me? While putting together the schedule, they realized they needed some additional acts to fill some of the time slots... so Paul decided he'd throw together a band to play the event.

The band consisted of 6 guys from various churches around Cedar Rapids and Iowa City. All kinds of denominations were represented, which in itself was really cool. You see Paul and I share the desire to see churches break down false or man made barriers and come along side each other in serving God as a community of believers... so it was really cool to just worship with a bunch of brothers in Christ.

All different age groups were represented too... I think from the youngest to the oldest band member we crossed almost 30 years!! Very cool.

It was a short set... something like 5 or 6 songs... but it was a lot of fun.

The weather was overcast, but it made for a cooler than average day which was great!

Ok... so now for the funny part:

I'm going to mention some "accomplishments" from my musical career in order to help set the stage. Forgive me if it seems like I'm bragging... I'm really just wanting to drive the point home and show the humor in this all.

I've toured 3 continents performing music.
I've sang on stage at Carnegie Hall (yes.. for an actual concert).
I've opened for several "well known" acts.
I've played concerts in excess of 20,000 people in attendance.
I've had a record deal.
I've held endorsement deals with musical equipment manufacturers.
I've had a song in the top 10 in national radio.

But there are a couple things that I've never been able to say I've been a part of... until now!!!

This past weekend was a TRUE Spinal Tap moment:

(If you've never seen the movie... you probably won't understand and I can't claim that it would be an edifying movie for you to watch.)

You see, we had a very special opening act for the show.... A PUPPET SHOW!!

And so began the Spinal Tap quotes: "If I've told them once... I've told them a thousand times... Spinal Tap and THEN the puppet show!" "Well, we have the bigger dressing room!"

It was one of those moments that just sort of makes you smile.

To add to the unusual happenings, we were immediately followed up by a two person rap group!

I'll be totally honest with you all... the puppet show was actually very good. Very well done by a group of young puppeteers.

I can't comment on the rap group, as I was packing equipment back up.

All of that to say that it truly was a lot of fun. It was great, but busy, way to spend my birthday... celebrating that it takes all kinds to do the work for which God called us. Celebrating diversity. Celebrating fellowship. Celebrating Him over all else.

What a blast.

Although it wasn't Carnegie Hall or the Sydney Convention Center, it was truly a blessing to hang out with good and Godly men and just come along side each other in worship. I can also honestly say that sharing a stage with men who desire to glorify God even in the littlest things means so much more than the size of the audience or the name on the outside of the building.

You can't ask for anything more or better than that.

Well... maybe one thing better... hanging out with friends while wearing a Cocoa Puffs t-shirt.

In Him,
Jim

Castle On A Hill?

This past weekend was a busy one... between leading songs for Saturday night, Sunday morning and Sunday night services and getting ready for a show I'm doing with another artist this upcoming weekend, my fingers are sore to the bone and I'm feeling pretty warn out. None of the services felt particularly "safe" from my standpoint, but that's ok because it is not about me, right?

The weekend did allow me some time to talk with some trusted friends and contemplate a few things that have been nagging at me for some time.

I even started working some more on a few songs that I'd like to record on my own... a scary endeavor for someone who isn't confident in their talents and has always had other band mates to help him along the way.

I've been asking a few "friends" in the music business to write some songs with me, but as of yet I haven't been able to convince any of them... maybe I smell bad or something. *grin*

Maybe my frustration with some of the other things in life has skewed my perception, but I wanted to share one thing that has really been heavy on my heart and mind over the past year or so. It is a phenomenon in which churches and individuals have become increasingly inward focused. Of course there is "nothing new under the sun", but hear me out for a moment...

Matthew 5:14 talks about being like a city on a hill... basically being so filled with our purpose in God, that we cannot help but show Him to others. However, most of what I see these days reminds me more of a castle on a hill. We spend so much time arguing symantics and difference between churches... or even WITHIN churches... that there is little to no time left to be any sort of light to others. We've made it all about the pomp and circumstance... The legalism over the intended purpose... The casual Christian over the follower of Christ.

How many times do things like attire in the church need to be discussed? How about all the things that are wrong with such and such church across town? How about the battles between the youth and the older generations in the church?

The list can go on and on: dispensations, gifts, teaching styles, music styles, etc.

As these battles rage on behind the closed gate of our castles, the villagers are starving in the little town at the bottom of the hill.

I'm not suggesting that some differences and some discussions aren't worth having... but I am suggesting that we need to be very careful about what we make issue over because of most of them are based upon personal preference. We can of course find some weak, out of context references to pick our battles, but by in large we simply don't need to go there.

I've had a few experiences in my life that have really changed my way of thinking... maybe someday I'll discuss them, but chances are I'm the only one who finds them interesting. What I discovered in all of this is that although I consider myself conservative (I'm talking spiritually... let's leave politics out for right now)... I've learned that the more conservative I become, the more radical/liberal I am beginning to look in the modern church's eyes. The more Christ like I intend to be, the less legalistic and prim and proper I become.

You tell me... if Jesus was here walking the earth in the form of a man right now, do you think He'd be arguing within the church walls about whether we should wear a suit and tie versus jeans and a button down shirt... or do you think He would be asking us why we aren't taking His word beyond the walls of our castle?

A city on a hill invites people in... a castle on a hill closes people off in order to protect their way of life... which would you rather be?

In Him,
Jim

(all bible passage links are from BibleGateway.com)

Taking It For Granted

Over the past three weeks I have been involved with a new worship service. This service is particularly aimed at calling God's people to action and challenging them beyond their status quo. This all seems like something that most Christians should already understand, but I'm convinced it really isn't the case... starting with myself!

This past Sunday night, I conducted an impromptu poll during the service. I asked the congregation to raise their hand if they own a shirt with the name or logo of their favorite sports team. Probably 75% of the people in the room raised their hand. Next I asked how many people own a shirt with their favorite music group, TV show or movie. Once again I would say about 60% of the congregation raised their hand. Next I asked how many people are ashamed to wear those shirts in public. Not a single hand went up.

The point of the poll was to explain how much emphasis and enthusiasm we put behind things of this world... even things that we aren't even remotely involved in. We like to celebrate the lack of mediocrity among OTHER people.

Imagine what this world could be like if we had the same lack of shame for "wearing" Jesus on a day to day basis. Imagine what it would be like if expressing our faith in God was as simple and effortless as grabbing your favorite sporting team's shirt out of the closet for the day. Imagine what it would be like if our response toward worship and praise to God equaled the response that we often show while watching someone make a touchdown or cross the finish line neck and neck with another opponent?

Imagine what it would be like if we entered into things like communion with full appreciation of the greatest gift ever given us... instead of just following the crowd.

Grown men will jump out of their chairs and scream at the TV in "worship" of a couple dozen college kids... whom they have never met and know nothing of their character... running into each other on a big plot of grass.

That same man will sit bored out of his mind in church on Sunday morning after having spent the past 6 days "avoiding" God... the Creator of the universe... ignoring the fact that we have a specific relationship with God through Christ and are therefore purposed for His work and worship. We aren't just a spectator with season tickets.

God designed us to be passionate people. Christ showed several times over that He Himself responded WITH (not BECAUSE of) emotion.

So... I challenge you... I challenge me... when you are sitting down to listen to your favorite CD this week, ask yourself if you've spent the same amount of energy in understanding God's beauty as you have your favorite song lyrics and chord progressions? When you watch the latest movie or your favorite TV show, ask yourself if you've spent the same time understanding God's story as you have following Jack Bauer? When you watch your favorite sports team compete on the field, ask yourself if you've spent the same amount of enthusiasm being a witness for Christ as you have being a fan of a group men or women.

In Him,
Jim

God Is Good

Sometimes God just sort of sneaks up and amazes you when you don't expect it.

I know that sounds like a vague statement, but come on... you know it is true.

I'm in a state of being wonderfully confused right now. You see, life right now is extremely busy. So busy that Ashley and I often don't know which end is coming or going, but yet it is exciting because so much is happening.

First off, let me brag on my wife for a moment. If you're a husband, you can maybe relate to the excitement of watching your wife grow in her walk with God. Sometimes big steps, sometimes small steps. Over the past year, my wife has grown by leaps and bounds and is really being bold in her faith. I'm not so much commenting on her ability to boldly share with others (though she is much better about this than I am), but more so her ability to trust in her faith. Her ability to let go of the reins and allow God to steer even when we can't see the outcome.

What's most exciting about it is that Ashley and I are both feeling the desire to really grow and stretch ourselves in certain areas related to this.

I think maybe it started a little over 3 years ago when I started working with Laridian. Prior to the change I had been with a company for 11 years and so it was a big decision to try something new, but I haven't regretted it even once. There is something really nice about working with people you know you can trust and that you also have the honor of calling friends.

My point is that even though we often fear what is in front of us, we (and by "we" I mean "I") need to remember that God is already there.

Instead of looking for reasons why we can't do something, we need to look at stepping out in faith and being willing to go where God wants us... just like when I left my old job and started working for Laridian. A lot of things fell into place and I just have to believe that God's hand was in it.

I've got a similar situation going on right now not related to my job but rather related to my music. I won't go into detail, as I'm not sure I'm supposed to just yet, but I will say that I met with a friend on Monday who presented an opportunity that sounds really exciting to me. I then met with another friend on Tuesday and talked through yet some more opportunities... and later in that same day received a response on an email from yet another person music related.

Keep in mind that this is all after the band I had been a part of for the past 15 years of my life disintegrated before my eyes.

Sure, there is a scared feeling involved with stepping out into new territories musically (a few of which put me into positions that I question my own skill in relation to the need presented), but I'm relying on the fact that God is indeed good. I am wanting to make sure I examine doors that He opens rather than trying to keep life "comfortable".

Maybe I'll explain more later once the situation settles a little.

In Him,
Jim

It Is Nice To Know...

A good friend of mine recently emailed me about some struggles he is having. Without explaining his situation, let me just say that I can't imagine any one handling it better than he has. It has been amazing to watch.

That's not how he sees it, however. He told me that he at times feels like he is being fake or being a poser, because he always seems to slip back into a world of doubt and fear.

I can relate to what he is saying... when things get busy it just seems natural to feel overwhelmed and it becomes very easy to lose perspective. Sitting here even now, I'm balancing about 5 different major tasks for the day (involving work, church, personal stuff etc) and feeling like I'd rather just go back to bed.

The interesting thing is that I don't think my friend and I are the only ones who struggle with this ebb and flow. In fact I know we aren't.

My bible reading lately has me in the early part of Judges. I am amazed at how Israel continuously stands up and falls down over and over.

It sort of reminds me of watching my children when asked to stop doing something: they show brief remorse as they are rebuked, but left to their own devices the will revert back to it again within a matter of minutes. Over and over the cycle goes.

This is not to say that I ought to be happy with the fact that I have my lulls, but it does prove once again that "there is nothing new under the sun".

In Him,
Jim