We Serve A God Of Wonder

Have you ever sat quietly and thought about how amazing God really is? Marveled at the wonder of His ways? Truly tried to be aware of His presence?

This past week has been filled with what we call around here "God winks". That's actually a term that my wife and a couple of dear friends have used for quite some time. I don't know if its original to them, but that's where I learned it from.

Let's start off with an update on a situation: My throat. As some of you may know (if you read a few posts back), I had an appointment to see an ENT physician about some stress and strain on my voice. I think my primary physician categorized it as "chronic laryngitis". I've had struggles with keeping my voice healthy for a while... it is usually fine when I really need it, but then I'd pay for it for a day or two after from the strain.

I had the chance to sing for a friend's wedding (Hey Katie and Eli!!) back a month and a half ago. I know God was protecting me, as I was sick but managed to make it through a day of rehearsals and the actual wedding. However, immediately after (the next week) I pretty much lost my voice completely, which is what prompted the ENT visit.

Well, in order to not drag this on - I was concerned that I had nodules on my vocal cords, which are actually like calluses and can cause all sorts of problems with your voice. After two visits to the ENT and having cameras pushed down my throat, I am pleased to say that they didn't find any.

The doctor said that I have acid reflux and allergies... both of which cause vocal fatigue and "crud in your throat". Both treatable by medication.

Sorry for that long update... that's not really the purpose of this post, but I wanted to let everyone know how it was progressing. I still have two more doctors appointments to test for allergies and check treatment options.

Now... what I wanted to talk about is how God stirs us. How He communicates in ways and through things we don't expect. How if we really pay attention to Him, He shows up in some unusual places.

A while back a friend from the church I lead worship at came across a familiar name on my blog. Turns out the person named was ALSO a friend of his!! Mr. Smith (I'll call him that since it really is his name) got in touch with Caesar (That's not his name, but it is easier to type than his real name!) and mentioned my blog. Caesar checked it out and decided to get in touch with me... after we hadn't really communicated for several years.

Anyhow Caesar (his last name is Czerwinski... get the connection?) has since been in contact with me several times. Its been great reconnecting with my friend... he was the director of the very first praise team I ever served on many, many moons ago. He was a great encourager then and an even better one now.

Rumor has it that he even had his worship team at his current church read my blog... maybe he was trying to get his 15 seconds of fame!! I'm joking of course... Caesar is one of the nicest, most servant-hearted people I know.

I won't go into details, but God seems to have brought him back into my life at this time to stir some possible answers to some very recent, but very real prayers. Answers that are so far outside the box from what I was expecting.

Maybe those answers will turn out to just be more questions, but none the less my friend reminded me of the wonder of the God we serve. How unpredictable His path is by human reasoning, but how sweetly and perfectly predictable His faithfulness to us and grace and love for us are.

Now... here's more fuel for the fire. 24 hours prior to Caesar calling me, I had sent a prayer list to another friend in Texas (Hey Emily!!) and had a conversation with my wife about a particular prayer request.

I tried very hard on the list I sent Emily to be honest about my family's prayer needs. I wanted to ask for prayer in areas that would only be answered by God's hand. It just so happens that one of the things Caesar felt like he needed to talk with me about was one of those prayer requests. He had no knowledge of me sending them to Emily.

Also on that SAME day, I got emails from two other long, lost friends... basically all checking in to say they were "thinking about me".

It has truly been a strange, strange week. I'm not sure how it will all resolve and that may not even be the point... I think the point for me today is just to be in awe of the God we serve and how amazing it is that He interacts with us the way that He does. This isn't a spectator sport and we aren't simply pawns in a game.

I told my friend Jim from PA about the prayer email and how it didn't even take 24 hours for some of it to be addressed... Jim's comment back to me was along the lines of "What?! You don't think God can read emails!?"

So... I'm not sure where you are all at with your personal walks. Not sure where your desires and convictions are... but I pray that you would look for God around every corner and behind every situation that exists in your life. I promise you He is there and that once we quiet our own voice to hear His, we might just be surprised by His presence, blessed by His love and kept in awe of His wonder.

In Him,
Jim

Are We Too Apathetic?

Today I was getting ready for the day and had the Weather Channel on. They were discussing the weather for tonight's space shuttle landing. I had no idea that the shuttle was landing tonight... I barely even remembered that it had been launched.

I started thinking about how "routine" it has become for our space program to take a large chunk of metal, propelled by controlled explosions and send it hurdling past the earth's atmosphere to rendezvous with other chunks of metal held in a somewhat continuous orbit in space.

I remember in Jr. High going to the school library to watch the shuttle launches and landings live... because they were such a big deal. I was even there watching live when the Challenger catastrophe happened.

My point being, the amazing feats involved with such shuttle launches and landings are no less astonishing today... we've simply become accustomed to them.

Parallel this with our walk as a Christian. Have we become so accustomed to the miracle of salvation that we treat it as common place? Are we still amazed daily at the grace provided to us by a loving God and how that has forever changed our eternity?

I might just have to have the kids sit down tonight and watch the shuttle landing.

Jim

In Sickness And In Health...

Hey all. Sorry it has been such a long time since I last wrote something here. Life has just been... well... busy, like life tends to do from time to time.

How have you all been? Seriously... I'd love to know. I never know who reads my little rants and raves in my small corner of the internet. I don't claim to have any wonderful insights that people would line up to read and I certainly break the rule of "sharing too much" to the point that people probably shy away. Still, it always amazes me the little notes or comments I get from people... many of which I had no idea ever visit here.

So what's new with me? I've been sick... really sick. I'm on my third week of various "cruds". At first I had the flu. Followed immediately by a cold.

The amazing thing is that I had a wedding to sing at right in the middle of those two. I worried that I wouldn't have a voice, but God somehow saw it fit for me to be able to sing for literally about a 72 hour period.

Its usually the case that I push the limits of what my body wants to do when I am sick. I usually try to downplay being sick and stay active in events. Even this past weekend, I was to play a coffee shop gig with my friend Paul and I was certain that I'd pull through for that one as well. My body had different plans. I played the show, but I had no voice to sing with... so I simply played "guitar monkey" while Paul did all the singing.

What was my body's answer to me pushing it so hard these past several weeks? A throat and sinus infection. Barely any voice, fevers, chills, shakes, night sweats, headaches, joint pains... Its been a miserable last week. So much so that I finally caved in and asked my wife to schedule an appointment with the doctor (I dislike going to doctor's offices).

He put me on some horse pills to fight the infection. Coupled with that is a nice concoction of cold and sinus medicine, pain killers and sleep aids... this of course leaves me in a medicated state. I know what you're thinking and yes, the doctor DID tell me to take these things.

I feel better today than I did two days ago, but I'm certainly not back to 100%... not even 80% yet...

Since I rarely go to doctors, I took the opportunity to talk with my doctor (who by the way is the same age as me... its really kind of strange) about an ongoing complication I've had. For the past several years, my voice has tended to give out with little to no warning. It doesn't go away completely, it just loses some of its range and makes it difficult to sing. It will usually be the case that I can make it through a rehearsal for a service, but by the time the service starts my voice is so warn out that I can't sing what I was just able to 30 minutes before. I also often find my voice scratchy or cracking while I'm talking. I've worried about this for some time, but just haven't done anything about it.

The doctor told me that it could be one of three things: acid reflux, allergies or nodules on my vocal cords. Acid reflux and allergies can be treated with medication. Nodules often require vocal rest at the least and surgery (with weeks to months of vocal rest) at the worst. If surgery is needed, there is the possibility of not being able to sing or having a completely different sound to your voice.

He referred me to an ENT specialist. The scheduler called them right then and there to set up an appointment (which I was expecting to be weeks out, knowing how medical schedules are)... my appointment is TOMORROW.

I don't want to be a hypochondriac, but I'm certainly nervous about what they will tell me.

I'd appreciate prayers over this matter.

Something else I should mention... I'll be participating in this year's Worship Summit here in Cedar Rapids. I'll be playing guitar for a couple of the groups through the weekend and teaching break out sessions during the day on Saturday. The biggest news for me in regards to the Summit, is that I will be the keynote speaker for Friday night!! I was involved in working with a few national artists for the keynote spot on Friday, but it seems that God had other plans. I kept having this thought of a particular topic going through my head. I asked my friend Paul what he thought and before I knew what I had done, I was the speaker. *grin* Seriously though, I'm looking forward to it!!

I strongly recommend you looking into the conference if you are in the Cedar Rapids area. Its going to be a good one this year!!

Thanks for letting me bend your ear... I'll try to be more "up to date" here as I learn more about my throat and my head climbs out from beneath the fog of medication.

In Him,
Jim

Roby Duke

It may be a little known fact to many, but singer-songwriter/folk/fingerstyle guitar music has been a favorite of mine for many years, though I tend to steer clear of the names that most people know (James Taylor, etc.)

Instead I have a handful of lesser known artists that I've grown to appreciate over the years: Tuck and Patti, David Wilcox, Neil Finn, Patty Griffin, Shawn Colvin, EmmyLou Harris, John Hiatt, etc.

One such artist that I have been influenced by over the years was a man named Roby Duke.

I was introduced to Roby (musically) by my friend, John Czerwinski, back in 1990 or 1991. I had never heard of him before, but John insisted that I take a listen to this person.

One listen was all it really took.

It was hard to find Roby's recordings (and still is to some extent), but I remember purchasing "Bridge Divine" and just getting lost listening to it as I drove around Iowa City (a habit I developed to escape for a little while).

That particular CD told much of Roby's life story. From his upbringing in Mississippi, to his struggle with friends and family, to his ultimate desire to surrender to God.

If you read Roby's story on his web site, there were some definite times of struggle. There were some definite times of doubt. Sounds like a familiar theme to the things you read here on my blog, eh? But in the end, I think Roby found himself where he longed most to be... at the feet of his heavenly father.

If you wonder why I speak of Roby in past tense... let me explain it to you: December 26th, 2007, Roby died of a heart attack in his home.

I kick myself because just a few months earlier, I met Roby at the CMS conference in Seattle. We greeted as we passed each other... he as leaving one class (which he taught) and I was attending one starting in the same room, moments later.

I had fully intended to go to some of Roby's sessions that weekend, but there were only so many times certain other classes were offered, including ones I was assisting my friend, John Carlson, in teaching.

It is hard to explain Roby's presence... he seemed to me a rugged, but gentle man who wanted nothing more than to be used by God in spite of everything. He definitely didn't fit the mold of the stereotypical worship leader/Christian musician... which I found very cool.

I remember some years back emailing Roby to ask him about the tuning on a song (Bridge Divine). To my surprise, he emailed me back and we had a nice conversation about the song. It impressed me that he was willing to do so.

Anyhow, I want to share with you three video clips of Roby from YouTube, to give you an idea of the man and his music. Maybe some of you will be influenced by what he has to say and how he says it.

The first clip is from the 2006 CMS conference in Seattle.



This second clip is a version of "Amazing Grace" that Roby performed at another CMS related conference in mid 2007. This song in particular struck a chord with me.



I've read that Roby enjoyed his last show on the 24th of December with his son. Everyone said he was smiling and couldn't be more proud sharing the stage with his own son.

Lastly, 3 days before his death, Roby shared this song with a congregation at a church. Listen to the song and enjoy the heart of the man and remember that just 3 days later, the lyrics of the song came true.



Roby - thanks for the music and thanks for the ministry... I smile at the idea of you getting your chance to touch God's very face.

In Him,
Jim

Life: Carnival ride or perfectly orchestrated plan?

Hey everyone. I know it has been a while since I last sat down to share with you all that has been going on. I apologize for that.

With that out of the way, let me talk to you a little bit about "life". I find it funny how God seems to take people through similar paths in life. I've been dealing with a lot of things that are weighing heavy on my heart and mind lately (more on that later) and dwelling on the distance that I seem to create between me and God when I am "in the valley" (as my good friend, Mango would say).

Its a feeling of complete loneliness.

For some reason this afternoon, I decided to look at my band's (I should say ex-band's) MySpace page and noticed that my friend, Jason, added a blog post to his MySpace about prayer. More specifically he posted about dealing with his lack of prayer and disappointment of prayers of the past. The entire post is on a site he is involved with called "The Rabbit Room" and can be found here.

I'll be honest with you... reading the post brought me to a point of helplessness (because I'm not coming out of my valley like Jason is), fear (because I'm reminded of the troubles in life right now) and jealousy (because Jason speaks so eloquently into the lives of others via cool things like "The Rabbit Room" and I'm just... well... me).

How sick is that?

So what's going on that brings this heaviness? Let me give a quick list:

1) Job anxiety: I'll leave it at this, but know that there are significant changes that leave me anything but comfortable and confident.

2) Church anxiety: I started a new service with three friends at a church here in town almost 1 year ago. Two of the friends have removed themselves from any sort of active involvement, which leads the brunt of the work for the other two.

3) Basement anxiety: We've lived in this house for nearly 5 years now. We finally decided to move on finishing the basement (we have a two year old living in our closet because the rooms for the children aren't done in the basement). As we've worked on the basement we've run into multiple issues: leaky, condensating windows, cracks in the foundation, budget issues (see reason #1), time issues (see reason #1 and #2), etc.

4) Health anxiety: My family has been sick this fall/winter. Don't know why, but it seems like as soon as one is healthy, the next one falls. Once it gets around to all six of us, it just seems to start over.

5) Personal disappointment: Over the past year, my convictions in certain areas related to our purpose and pursuits have strengthened considerably. The problem is, the more I strive after purpose, the more disappointed in my abilities I become.

What all does this amount to? Well, honestly not really much. There's nothing in the above list that really matters from an eternal perspective. Yet these very things have driven walls between me and God. I know that God didn't put the walls up, which means that I must have... so... here we go back to reason #5.

People always suggest taking a step back and gaining perspective on things. Or perhaps reading a book about particular matters. The big problem is that when I feel so strapped for time and energy that I can't even read THE book or talk to THE Man about what's going on, how could ever make time for some other reading material?

Now don't get me wrong... God's still done some amazing things lately. The problem is, I just simply don't understand "why?"... or better yet "why me?". This holds equally true for both the good and the bad situations.

Do you ever pray for God to show up in an amazingly unmistakable way? Do something so outrageous that there is no way to doubt? Did He do it or was it a case (as Jason describes) where you were just talking to yourself?

It is times like this that I wonder "is this a perfect plan or just a carnival ride?"

My heart knows what the answer is, but my mind seems to want to disagree.

Jim

We Must Go...

This past weekend I had the pleasure of attending the Christian Music Summit in Seattle, Washington with some members of the praise team from Parkview.

It was a great conference with lots of well known worship artists and Christian musicians from the past and present. Paul Baloche, Brian Doerksen, Pocket Full of Rocks, Phil Keaggy, Lincoln Brewster, Scott and Christine Dente (Out of the Grey), Zoro the drummer, Rick Cua, Billy Smiley (of White Heart), Roby Duke, Tim Hughes, Robbie Seay Band and Tommy Walker just to name a few of the presenters/performers.

There was a ton of great camaraderie among the four of us attendeding... including some great discussions on spirituality, worship, the journey that got us to that point in life and... well... lots of humor based around one-liners from movies and imitations of bodily functions (right, Steve!?).

These events (remember back to my post on going to Nashville?) always have a way of tugging at my heart. I don't think I could ever describe in words my mental state at events like this.

I don't attribute it to the abilities of any man, but more that I believe God has been/is trying to get my attention.

I don't know how many people were there, but they (for the most part) were all worship leaders and musicians... so imagine if you will your favorite praise song's a cappella section being sung by several thousand people in tight harmony. It was amazing.

I realized three things at this event:

1) I care too much about what people think. I was standing there during a particularly moving worship time (I'll talk more about this later) feeling like I wanted to be more outward with my expression of worship, but feeling too self-conscious about doing so because I was standing between Steve and Brian (two of the other team members). I was worried that I'd appear "freaky" to them... I should correct that... I was worried that I'd appear MORE freaky to them (I already take a fair amount of pounding for the fact that I color my hair and use more hair care products than any man should). Trading my worship for God for acceptance from man... hmmm.

2) I love worship through music. I love playing it. I love listening to it. I love taking Christ's salvation to the churched and unchurched alike. It seems to be deeply engraved in me as something that God either allows me to do or wants me to do. There is something about tying the beauty of music to the beauty of God's love for us. Don't take me wrong, I'm not anti-secular music... in fact me and another worship leader in town have been doing coffee shop gigs in which we use secular music as part of our set... I'm just saying there is something magic to the depth of God's love set to music for me.

3) This is the big one... this is the thing I've been wrestling with for a couple of years... God keeps bringing people and events into my life that deal with the orphans, widows, broken, homeless etc. I'm not sure how to process it all.

Maybe I'll save my commentary on it for another time, but I want to share with you the lyrics to a song this past weekend that has really been causing me to sit down and consider what we do with what God has given us.

The song is called "God of Justice" and it is from Tim Hughes most recent recording.

God of Justice, Saviour to all
Came to rescue the weak and the poor
Chose to serve and not be served

Jesus, You have called us
Freely we've received
Now freely we will give

We must go
Live to feed the hungry
Stand beside the broken
We must go
Stepping forward
Keep us from just singing
Move us into action
We must go

To act justly everyday
Loving mercy in every way
Walking humbly before You God

You have shown us, what You require
Freely we've received
Now freely we will give

Fill us up and send us out
Fill us up and send us out
Fill us up and send us out Lord

That one line... "stepping forward - keep us from just singing - move us into action" just slays me.

I'll write more on what this has meant to me and my wrestling with God's will for me over the next few days.

Jim

Jesus Loves Me This I Know...

Tonight I had a late practice with my friend Paul. He and I are playing (along with two other guys) at a coffee shop this coming Friday night. (Note: If you are interested, it is at the "Coffee Emporium and Cafe" in Hiawatha. We start at 7 pm).

Paul and I talked a little tonight about how difficult we humans seem to be able to make things. It seems we always want a little more, a better explanation or to turn things into a deep discussion of why the person sitting next to us is wrong and we are right.

The thing is, is that it really isn't that hard. Don't get me wrong, I'm not claiming that we should have discussions or that we shouldn't be students of the Bible and think deeply on subjects... I'm just saying don't forget the simple truths.

Jesus Christ died for my sins. He rose again. I believe that to be true. I believe that in Him doing so and me accepting the gift that He gave of Himself, I have been forgiven and granted salvation... my eternity secure.

When I sit and think about that, I'm just in awe of how amazing that is. I didn't earn it. I didn't buy it. I didn't create it. I didn't find it... God gave it to me and just asked me to accept and acknowledge it.

As Paul and I stood there tonight watching the fog roll in and the stars shine in the sky, you just couldn't help but be amazed by the beauty and strength of our God... and then to think that same God... the God of the universe loves even me. Wow.

Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me... the Bible tells me so.

Jim