Hello?? Is this thing on?? Mic check... mic check...
Now that you are listening, let me ask you a question. How are things in your life right now? How is your walk with God? How has He chosen to answer your deepest prayers or your strongest hopes and dreams?
It's always said that God works in mysterious ways. I know that isn't a new thought, but let me ask this: Why is it that we consider His ways "mysterious"? We often say that it is because "God's ways are not our own..." or because "He works all things for His good...". While these things are certainly true, I think the reality is that we label God's actions and directions as mysterious because they don't line up with how we would have handled any number of situations. The word "mysterious" is our politically correct replacement for "illogical", "undeserved" or "confusing". Insert any number of words in its place.
"Mysterious" is what we say when we are in public, while "wow, God... that really hacks me off" is what we say in private. Come on, you know it's true.
I've been thinking through some situations lately that have, for lack of a better term, really caused me some hurt. Things that I really didn't expect to go any other way, but yet they grind at the very core of my mindset.
At least one of the situations involves an individual that I believe would sell his own heart if it meant stepping up in the world in stature. The funny thing is... it appears that it is paying off for this individual. Wow, God... Your answers sure are mysterious!
A couple other situations relate to dear friends who are suffering or have suffered far more than one would ever think they deserve. Wow, God... Your ways certainly are not our own. Wow, God... You sure works all things for Your good.
Yet some others relate to how I expected God to answer some long held prayers, when in reality His answers came back so far from my expectations that I'm still recovering from whiplash. Wow, God... Your ways certainly are not our own.
For those who might think my comments are sarcastic toward God, I assure you they are nothing of the sort. Consider them public reminders to myself and please... continue reading.
I'll be honest, I'm a person who really would rather carry his own emotional burdens and stuff it all inside, but the more I do this, the more my compassion and contentment are replaced with bitterness and frustration. I've had to make a conscience effort to pray for my own attitude and for the very people and situations involved in the things that frustrate me so... though I struggle not to do so with gritted teeth.
Working through all of the thought processes associated with a personality such as mine, reminded me tonight of the book of Habakkuk. If you know the story at all, Habakkuk essentially called out to God with his frustrations about the injustice and inadequacies of the world around him. He expected the Lord to act differently. He expected the Lord to respond with the same action and in the same time frame as he, himself, would have.
God responded to Habakkuk with a reminder of who holds the power of all. He reminded Habakkuk who holds the ultimate authority. He reminded Habakkuk to not put too much merit in the way things appear, but to put faith in a God of response, who executes His plan with perfect precision.
Habakkuk closes with a prayer to God, rejoicing in who He is... rather than what He hasn't done (in accordance to what we believe His will should be). I'm not sure if Habakkuk's prayer is really one of a convinced man or is more one along the lines of "I know in my heart that this is true, so God please help me to act accordingly when my faith is weak".
Regardless of intent, there is one line that stuck out to me tonight. It reads as follows:
Habakkuk 3:18 (NIV)
yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
I love the fact that it begins with "yet". Though the verse prior uses poetic illustrations of "bad things", this is Habakkuk's way of saying "Lord... These things really stink... *yet* I will rejoice..."
I'm not sure what you are struggling with in your own life right now, but for me... this was a good reminder that I am not God... That complaining about the imperfections of others is no excuse for pretending I don't hold many of the same flaws. I could go on and on, but I think you get the picture.
I need to work toward my "yet" prayer.
Lord, I am broken in more ways than I can count.
I expect You to act in whatever ways I see fit, paying more attention to my own idea of a perfect plan than I do Your perfect will... and I ask Your forgiveness for this.
Lord, let me rejoice in Your works and your ways, even if they truly are mysterious to me.
Let me be a part of whatever it is that You desire and let me not hold bitterness towards others that are a part of what *I* desire.
Let me love others in spite of their flaws, just as You do with me.
Restore my content and compassionate spirit and allow me to live for You instead of for me.
And all God's people said... Amen.
In Him,
Jim
Monday, August 30, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Thank You, Mr. Key...
Monday afternoon, I received an email from my good friend Jason. The message was short and sweet. It read, "Dana Key died yesterday :(." There was that short moment of disbelief as I typed his name into Google... just to find that it was indeed true. Dana Key of Memphis, Tennessee died Sunday night at the age of 56.
Maybe Dana's name isn't one that rings a bell with most people, but let me tell you that he played an instrumental part in my life.
Dana Key was the singer and guitarist for the band DeGarmo and Key.
I first saw DeGarmo and Key at a show in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. I was just barely a teenager. I didn't think I was going there to spend time with God... I actually went there to spend time with a girl (who is now my wife!)... but God apparently wanted to spend some time with me.
Through Mr. Key's words and amazing musicianship, God showed me that He was far more than I had ever learned about in the circles of my childhood. I left that evening a changed man.
I had the pleasure of writing Dana a year or so back to share with him all that I experienced that night. I guess in hindsight now, I'm glad I was able to do so.
Thank you, Mr. Key for allowing the Father to speak through you to some messed up little boy those many years ago.
In Him,
Jim
Maybe Dana's name isn't one that rings a bell with most people, but let me tell you that he played an instrumental part in my life.
Dana Key was the singer and guitarist for the band DeGarmo and Key.
I first saw DeGarmo and Key at a show in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. I was just barely a teenager. I didn't think I was going there to spend time with God... I actually went there to spend time with a girl (who is now my wife!)... but God apparently wanted to spend some time with me.
Through Mr. Key's words and amazing musicianship, God showed me that He was far more than I had ever learned about in the circles of my childhood. I left that evening a changed man.
I had the pleasure of writing Dana a year or so back to share with him all that I experienced that night. I guess in hindsight now, I'm glad I was able to do so.
Thank you, Mr. Key for allowing the Father to speak through you to some messed up little boy those many years ago.
In Him,
Jim
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Cat Got Your Tongue?
OK... so I guess this past year has been one of the bigger absences from my little corner of the blogosphere that I've ever had. I was just reading some of my more recent posts and realized that just a few posts back I talk about the birth of my youngest son... who is now over a year old. So what gives?
There are all the typical excuses: Life got too busy, not enough time, blogging is going out of style (not that I've EVER been known as stylish), life has had some difficult changes over the past year, I've got nothing to say (I'm sure most who know me wish that this would be the case)... but the truth is, it just slipped my mind. It dropped on the massive scale of my priorities.
While I don't think it's a bad thing to re-evaluate priorities and while I certainly don't think that blogging about my life to a handful of those who are interested is necessarily a "high" priority as it relates to other things happening, there are a couple things that disturb me about my silence. First, it shows me how easily I tend to stray from something and second, it shows how easily I forget to reflect upon what God is doing in my family's lives.
It has been an amazing and difficult year. Countless things have occurred that have run the gamut of excruciating to amazing... some even could be classified as both. God has done things that I never thought possible. He's presented heroes in the most unlikely forms. He's pushed open doors that I never knew existed. He's shaken ground that I thought was hearty and strong. He's allowed challenges that have torn at the very core of who I am as a person... yet, He's also shown me that above all else, He is faithful to His children... even when I've set Him aside like the blog posts of yesteryear.
I don't want to be silent. I want my voice, heart and mind to remain focused on the God who has shown Himself to be anything by silent over the past year. I want to be willing to share the wonder of how He's been working in my family... not just so that others can be encouraged, but so that I too can continue to reflect upon the one who is not silent... rather than letting it slip away.
Why is it that we are most silent when God is working the most in our lives? Interesting...
All of this to say, that I hope to be more active in sharing again. I have no idea what that will look like, but will say that I hope it looks like Him.
In Him,
Jim
There are all the typical excuses: Life got too busy, not enough time, blogging is going out of style (not that I've EVER been known as stylish), life has had some difficult changes over the past year, I've got nothing to say (I'm sure most who know me wish that this would be the case)... but the truth is, it just slipped my mind. It dropped on the massive scale of my priorities.
While I don't think it's a bad thing to re-evaluate priorities and while I certainly don't think that blogging about my life to a handful of those who are interested is necessarily a "high" priority as it relates to other things happening, there are a couple things that disturb me about my silence. First, it shows me how easily I tend to stray from something and second, it shows how easily I forget to reflect upon what God is doing in my family's lives.
It has been an amazing and difficult year. Countless things have occurred that have run the gamut of excruciating to amazing... some even could be classified as both. God has done things that I never thought possible. He's presented heroes in the most unlikely forms. He's pushed open doors that I never knew existed. He's shaken ground that I thought was hearty and strong. He's allowed challenges that have torn at the very core of who I am as a person... yet, He's also shown me that above all else, He is faithful to His children... even when I've set Him aside like the blog posts of yesteryear.
I don't want to be silent. I want my voice, heart and mind to remain focused on the God who has shown Himself to be anything by silent over the past year. I want to be willing to share the wonder of how He's been working in my family... not just so that others can be encouraged, but so that I too can continue to reflect upon the one who is not silent... rather than letting it slip away.
Why is it that we are most silent when God is working the most in our lives? Interesting...
All of this to say, that I hope to be more active in sharing again. I have no idea what that will look like, but will say that I hope it looks like Him.
In Him,
Jim
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Life Through Song
My wife and I have been dealing with a lot lately. We both feel overly stressed by a number of things in life. Not always big things... but sometimes just lots of little nagging or troublesome issues.
As we've spent the last few weeks talking through things, we've both made comments about songs that God has seemingly used to remind us of His truths, His love for us and our need to trust in Him.
As someone drawn to music, it is no secret that songs have played a large part in my life.
Now don't get me wrong, songs are not a replacement for prayer, Bible reading, counsel of wise friends, etc.. but yet I truly believe that some songs have a way of both preparing our hearts to be instructed and doing the instruction at the same time.
I'd like to hear from you (all 3 people who read my rantings!) as to which songs God has used to speak into your lives recently. What is it about the song that draws you to it? What truths are you being reminded of when you listen?
Just curious...
In Him,
Jim
As we've spent the last few weeks talking through things, we've both made comments about songs that God has seemingly used to remind us of His truths, His love for us and our need to trust in Him.
As someone drawn to music, it is no secret that songs have played a large part in my life.
Now don't get me wrong, songs are not a replacement for prayer, Bible reading, counsel of wise friends, etc.. but yet I truly believe that some songs have a way of both preparing our hearts to be instructed and doing the instruction at the same time.
I'd like to hear from you (all 3 people who read my rantings!) as to which songs God has used to speak into your lives recently. What is it about the song that draws you to it? What truths are you being reminded of when you listen?
Just curious...
In Him,
Jim
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Depth Of Heart
I've been struggling a bit lately. I'll be honest. My life "isn't as it should be" by my standards (and I'm sure God's as well). There are always too many projects and too few hours. Too many priorities get shoved aside for too many emergencies. Life is chaotic.
I was driving home tonight from a rehearsal contemplating all the things about my character that would disappoint God. Basically, blaming myself for not achieving better results in my walk with God. Trying to finagle my mind into reworking my emergencies into well compartmentalized and strategized timely tasks, so that I could THEN give God the time and effort He deserves.
Funny, isn't it? Trying to "be all that I can be" so that God would love me more or listen to my cries and prayers more closely?
In my time of reflection, a song came on the radio that I had never heard before. It is called "I'm Singing" and is by an artist name Kari Jobe.
Allow me to quote a portion of the song:
When I heard this song, my first reaction was to switch the station because it is somewhat repetitive and not lyrically very deep. You see, as a worship leader there is this constant ebb and flow about songs being too shallow and not meaty enough contrasted with songs being so deep that they are beyond common understanding.
I get caught up in one end or the other and sometimes fail to grasp the only thing that really matters... can I/am I giving God His due respect and worship with the song, regardless of depth of content?
Kari's song was simple, but the more it played (it really is a great song, in spite of my initial response) the more I realized that there was extreme depth of heart in the simplicity of the lyrics.
When I'm worshiping God in song, I'm not singing to a figment of my imagination, I'm presenting praise before the King of all of the heavens and all of the earth. I'm singing to the God to whom the very rocks will cry out if we do not give Him praise.
Tonight, in my time of disgust with who I am as a person, God reminded me through a simple song that He's not after my achievements. He's not after the deepest theological song I can find. He's not after the finest crafted words I can compose.
He's after a depth of heart. He's after a man that is willing to praise Him in simplicity as well as complexity. He's after whatever it is I have to offer Him right now... big or small.
The bottom line is, I need to be before God where I am now. Not once I have things figured out and back in order... but right now. I need to be "singing" to my God.
Maybe you can relate. Maybe you've been distant from God as you've been trying to "right your life" in one form or another. As Kari sings in her song...
I for one am ready to stop hearing from me and start hearing the only one... from God.
In Him,
Jim
I was driving home tonight from a rehearsal contemplating all the things about my character that would disappoint God. Basically, blaming myself for not achieving better results in my walk with God. Trying to finagle my mind into reworking my emergencies into well compartmentalized and strategized timely tasks, so that I could THEN give God the time and effort He deserves.
Funny, isn't it? Trying to "be all that I can be" so that God would love me more or listen to my cries and prayers more closely?
In my time of reflection, a song came on the radio that I had never heard before. It is called "I'm Singing" and is by an artist name Kari Jobe.
Allow me to quote a portion of the song:
And I'm singing to the God
Who brings redemption to the nations
Kings and oceans bow to Him in praise
And I'm singing to the God
Who wrote the book on our salvation
To the One who covers me in grace
I'm Singing
Only one word in the beginning
Only one truth will prevail
Only one love brings you freedom
Only one Man took the nails
When I heard this song, my first reaction was to switch the station because it is somewhat repetitive and not lyrically very deep. You see, as a worship leader there is this constant ebb and flow about songs being too shallow and not meaty enough contrasted with songs being so deep that they are beyond common understanding.
I get caught up in one end or the other and sometimes fail to grasp the only thing that really matters... can I/am I giving God His due respect and worship with the song, regardless of depth of content?
Kari's song was simple, but the more it played (it really is a great song, in spite of my initial response) the more I realized that there was extreme depth of heart in the simplicity of the lyrics.
I'm singing to the God that brings redemption to the nations
When I'm worshiping God in song, I'm not singing to a figment of my imagination, I'm presenting praise before the King of all of the heavens and all of the earth. I'm singing to the God to whom the very rocks will cry out if we do not give Him praise.
Tonight, in my time of disgust with who I am as a person, God reminded me through a simple song that He's not after my achievements. He's not after the deepest theological song I can find. He's not after the finest crafted words I can compose.
He's after a depth of heart. He's after a man that is willing to praise Him in simplicity as well as complexity. He's after whatever it is I have to offer Him right now... big or small.
The bottom line is, I need to be before God where I am now. Not once I have things figured out and back in order... but right now. I need to be "singing" to my God.
Maybe you can relate. Maybe you've been distant from God as you've been trying to "right your life" in one form or another. As Kari sings in her song...
Only one word in the beginning
Only one truth will prevail
Only one love brings you freedom
Only one Man took the nails
I for one am ready to stop hearing from me and start hearing the only one... from God.
In Him,
Jim
Thursday, January 15, 2009
I've Fallen And I Can't Get Up!!
This morning while I was taking my shower (that seems to be where most of my deep thoughts occur), I was praying for my wife and my newborn child and the doctor appointments they both were to have today. Without going into detail, both are dealing with issues (related to the recent birth) that are concerning at best and very serious at worst.
So, there I was praying in the shower when a song popped into my head. I had just been listening to the song yesterday because I was watching part of a concert video from a gentleman by the name of Brad Stiles, for whom I play guitar. Let me be clear for a second... Brad didn't write the song, so it is not him I'm talking about, ok?
The title of the song I watched is "Healer". Many of you may be familiar with the song, because it was a VERY popular release last year... followed by a widely talked about "scandal".
It seems that the author of the song was promoting it at various events as having been written during a time of struggling with a disease. The song was written as an expression of praise for being delivered through and healed from the disease he claimed to be taking its toll on his body.
Long story short, it turned out that he had essentially made up the story of the disease. Many claimed it nothing more than a gimmick.
The backlash from this was heavy, as one can imagine. Radio stations banned the song. Christians and non-Christians alike expressed disappointment in the character of the author and spouted rhetoric about how godly or ungodly this man must be.
So... here I am in the shower with this song of hope... song of healing... desire to let God be in control of my family's situation being reminded to me in song. A song with so much baggage associated with it.
As I continued to dwell on my prayers and on this song, I recalled sitting with Brad backstage before one of our shows and talking about the purpose of the song. I remembered talking about how God uses the unfit and how even though this man didn't have the disease he claimed, he was/is still definitely in need of God's healing. I remembered talking about how God's purpose is greater than man's and how God tends to use the least of us for the greatest of things... even when we are unworthy.
My thoughts then drifted to Matthew 18. Not particularly controversial, many believers use this as our guide for dealing with sin issues with our brothers and sisters in Christ. I have heard countless times about the "steps" involved with dealing with such an incident... ending (in extreme and irreconcilable situations) with the stopping of fellowship with the other individual.
I started to think that perhaps as Christians, we often miss the greater point. I started to think about how (according to something like Matthew 18) people turned away from the song "Healer" and its author because they saw him as unfit and didn't want this scandal to corrupt their worship. But I couldn't convince myself that this was good or proper application. Let's face it... we are all sinners. Yes, even you reading this right now... certainly me.
You see, I don't think the concept of Matthew 18 was meant to protect you and me from the sins of others... like some people assume. If I look at the chapter in whole, I see God's desire for us to receive Him. I see God's desire for us to be servants of others instead of ourselves. I see God's concern for the individual who has gone astray. I see God's desire for sin to be RECONCILED so that fellowship can be restored... NOT so that we can be protected from those that sin. That would be impossible for us to do.
I'll tell you what Christians need to be protected from: We need to be protected from the idea that having it all together is what God requires. We need to be protected from "playing Christian". We need to be protected from the fear of the judgment involved with hanging our dirty laundry out where others can see it.
I'm not excusing the sins of others nor am I excusing my own. I'm not suggesting that we don't follow Matthew 18.
I'm suggesting that we follow it with the heart of wanting to restore a fellow believer in fellowship to God... not because of how it impacts us.
I'm suggesting that we rejoice in the fact that God can still use a song like "Healer" to reach those with the truth of God's grace and mercy... even when the person delivering it has stumbled.
I'm suggesting that we be thankful to our great and merciful God for using us in spite of our lacking and healing us in spite of what we deserve.
"I believe You're my healer. I believe You're more than enough for me."
Thank you God for loving me... not because of my sins, but in spite of them.
In Him,
Jim
So, there I was praying in the shower when a song popped into my head. I had just been listening to the song yesterday because I was watching part of a concert video from a gentleman by the name of Brad Stiles, for whom I play guitar. Let me be clear for a second... Brad didn't write the song, so it is not him I'm talking about, ok?
The title of the song I watched is "Healer". Many of you may be familiar with the song, because it was a VERY popular release last year... followed by a widely talked about "scandal".
It seems that the author of the song was promoting it at various events as having been written during a time of struggling with a disease. The song was written as an expression of praise for being delivered through and healed from the disease he claimed to be taking its toll on his body.
Long story short, it turned out that he had essentially made up the story of the disease. Many claimed it nothing more than a gimmick.
The backlash from this was heavy, as one can imagine. Radio stations banned the song. Christians and non-Christians alike expressed disappointment in the character of the author and spouted rhetoric about how godly or ungodly this man must be.
So... here I am in the shower with this song of hope... song of healing... desire to let God be in control of my family's situation being reminded to me in song. A song with so much baggage associated with it.
As I continued to dwell on my prayers and on this song, I recalled sitting with Brad backstage before one of our shows and talking about the purpose of the song. I remembered talking about how God uses the unfit and how even though this man didn't have the disease he claimed, he was/is still definitely in need of God's healing. I remembered talking about how God's purpose is greater than man's and how God tends to use the least of us for the greatest of things... even when we are unworthy.
My thoughts then drifted to Matthew 18. Not particularly controversial, many believers use this as our guide for dealing with sin issues with our brothers and sisters in Christ. I have heard countless times about the "steps" involved with dealing with such an incident... ending (in extreme and irreconcilable situations) with the stopping of fellowship with the other individual.
I started to think that perhaps as Christians, we often miss the greater point. I started to think about how (according to something like Matthew 18) people turned away from the song "Healer" and its author because they saw him as unfit and didn't want this scandal to corrupt their worship. But I couldn't convince myself that this was good or proper application. Let's face it... we are all sinners. Yes, even you reading this right now... certainly me.
You see, I don't think the concept of Matthew 18 was meant to protect you and me from the sins of others... like some people assume. If I look at the chapter in whole, I see God's desire for us to receive Him. I see God's desire for us to be servants of others instead of ourselves. I see God's concern for the individual who has gone astray. I see God's desire for sin to be RECONCILED so that fellowship can be restored... NOT so that we can be protected from those that sin. That would be impossible for us to do.
I'll tell you what Christians need to be protected from: We need to be protected from the idea that having it all together is what God requires. We need to be protected from "playing Christian". We need to be protected from the fear of the judgment involved with hanging our dirty laundry out where others can see it.
I'm not excusing the sins of others nor am I excusing my own. I'm not suggesting that we don't follow Matthew 18.
I'm suggesting that we follow it with the heart of wanting to restore a fellow believer in fellowship to God... not because of how it impacts us.
I'm suggesting that we rejoice in the fact that God can still use a song like "Healer" to reach those with the truth of God's grace and mercy... even when the person delivering it has stumbled.
I'm suggesting that we be thankful to our great and merciful God for using us in spite of our lacking and healing us in spite of what we deserve.
"I believe You're my healer. I believe You're more than enough for me."
Thank you God for loving me... not because of my sins, but in spite of them.
In Him,
Jim
Monday, January 12, 2009
Something To Say
Do you ever have those moments where you feel like you have something to say... but you aren't quite sure what it is? Like there is a purpose bottled up inside of you that you aren't quite sure how to draw out?
I know... it is a strange question, but it is one that has been on my mind today for some reason.
I sat here this evening doing some work at my desk while listening through old songs that I have written, co-written, produced or played on. Lots of interesting stuff. In doing so, I noticed one recurring theme: I have trouble expressing myself through song. What I mean is that I have started many songs over the years (some of them I actually like), but very few have ever been finished.
My friend Dan and I used to co-write weekly. I was teaching guitar at the time and he worked with me at the music store. Between students, we could often be found working through some new song ideas. I won't say that they were all good, but we were very prolific.
Since Dan and I stopped writing together (this has more to do with stages of life and living in different cities than anything else), I haven't been anywhere near as thorough with my music.
I've had people tell me that I'm a gifted writer and performer, but truthfully I don't believe it. It makes it hard to finish songs when you are your worst critic.
Two of my friends who are accomplished professional songwriters have told me that part of the battle is just making sure you get the song out of you... be it good or bad. Seems if I think a song is bad, I'll just abandon it on the spot... hahaha
Anyhow, listening to the songs tonight made me realize how much I enjoy how music works. I enjoy the way that different sounds and instruments interact. I enjoy the act of getting the recorded.
What frustrates me is that I feel like there are things I'm supposed to say in music... not because I have to, but because God has created me a certain way. The problem is that I haven't figured out what it is I'm supposed to say... at least never more than a verse or two.
For fun, I'm going to post a few songs that I've worked on through the years. I'd love to know what you all think.
First up is a song that Dan and I wrote together (he wrote the words and I wrote the music). It was recorded at my old house in a little office (with the exception of drums, which we recorded one afternoon at the music store). Dan played the triangle, tambourine and did the vocals on the bridge. I did the vocals, guitars, bass and drums. The song is a good 10+ years old, so its fun to listen to.
The next one is the title track off of my band's CD (Just William: Blue Goodbye). This song is pretty much the same arrangement as the last one: I did the music and Dan did the words. I did the guitars and lead vocals. Evan Marshall did the background vocals and bass. Dan Van Oss did the keyboards and Skip Lowe played the drums. This too was recorded at my old house (and my parent's basement!)
Ok... so those were my more prolific days co-writing with friends... now here are a few partially written songs from here at the house. All instruments and vocals (when there are some) are played and recorded by me. Be warned: None of them are complete and most of them don't have lyrics yet... hahaha. Also, not much effort was put into making these sound "professional"... they are just rough takes that I wanted to let you all listen to.
Well there you have it... a look into my incomplete, torturous mental state of songwriting. Some day (sooner than later) I hope to finish a few of these and put out a CD with some of these songs on them... but that's assuming I ever figure out what it is I'm trying to say!
Thanks for listening...
In Him,
Jim
I know... it is a strange question, but it is one that has been on my mind today for some reason.
I sat here this evening doing some work at my desk while listening through old songs that I have written, co-written, produced or played on. Lots of interesting stuff. In doing so, I noticed one recurring theme: I have trouble expressing myself through song. What I mean is that I have started many songs over the years (some of them I actually like), but very few have ever been finished.
My friend Dan and I used to co-write weekly. I was teaching guitar at the time and he worked with me at the music store. Between students, we could often be found working through some new song ideas. I won't say that they were all good, but we were very prolific.
Since Dan and I stopped writing together (this has more to do with stages of life and living in different cities than anything else), I haven't been anywhere near as thorough with my music.
I've had people tell me that I'm a gifted writer and performer, but truthfully I don't believe it. It makes it hard to finish songs when you are your worst critic.
Two of my friends who are accomplished professional songwriters have told me that part of the battle is just making sure you get the song out of you... be it good or bad. Seems if I think a song is bad, I'll just abandon it on the spot... hahaha
Anyhow, listening to the songs tonight made me realize how much I enjoy how music works. I enjoy the way that different sounds and instruments interact. I enjoy the act of getting the recorded.
What frustrates me is that I feel like there are things I'm supposed to say in music... not because I have to, but because God has created me a certain way. The problem is that I haven't figured out what it is I'm supposed to say... at least never more than a verse or two.
For fun, I'm going to post a few songs that I've worked on through the years. I'd love to know what you all think.
First up is a song that Dan and I wrote together (he wrote the words and I wrote the music). It was recorded at my old house in a little office (with the exception of drums, which we recorded one afternoon at the music store). Dan played the triangle, tambourine and did the vocals on the bridge. I did the vocals, guitars, bass and drums. The song is a good 10+ years old, so its fun to listen to.
10,000 Spins
The next one is the title track off of my band's CD (Just William: Blue Goodbye). This song is pretty much the same arrangement as the last one: I did the music and Dan did the words. I did the guitars and lead vocals. Evan Marshall did the background vocals and bass. Dan Van Oss did the keyboards and Skip Lowe played the drums. This too was recorded at my old house (and my parent's basement!)
Blue Goodbye
Ok... so those were my more prolific days co-writing with friends... now here are a few partially written songs from here at the house. All instruments and vocals (when there are some) are played and recorded by me. Be warned: None of them are complete and most of them don't have lyrics yet... hahaha. Also, not much effort was put into making these sound "professional"... they are just rough takes that I wanted to let you all listen to.
Song Idea 1
Song Idea 2
Song Idea 3
Well there you have it... a look into my incomplete, torturous mental state of songwriting. Some day (sooner than later) I hope to finish a few of these and put out a CD with some of these songs on them... but that's assuming I ever figure out what it is I'm trying to say!
Thanks for listening...
In Him,
Jim
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Wow...
What a month it has been. Life has been (as they say) crazy for a while at the Coates household.
Within the last month, we've had the regular festivities of Christmas and New Year's (and the various family visits associated with said holidays), as well as a few other things. Let me give you an idea...
In the beginning of December, I played my third year with "Tribute". "Tribute" is a group of three ladies that put on a fantastic show once a year around Christmas. The night is filled with humor, comedy and of course Christmas tunes. Three years ago, I was asked to fill in for their regular guitar player, Bruce. Even though Bruce has been back the last two years, they've still asked me to join the festivities.
The show sold out all 4 nights that it played this year... a great testament to the quality of the show they put on. Its also one of the few events during the year where you will actually see me in dress pants versus my normal jeans. *grin*
December also brought the celebratory return of Parkview Evangelical Free Church back to the building it occupied prior to the Summer floods in Iowa. From June through December, the church met at a local high school... setting up and tearing down the entire church on a weekly basis.
The building is now put back together and is better than ever!! I look forward to many more weekends of worship there at the building!
December also brought on a crisis situation with our house. To make a long story short, half-way through the month we learned that we needed to have our basement complete by the end of December or "suffer the consequences" as they say. We'd been working on the basement for 3 years, but still had a long way to go.
I'm happy to say that by God's grace, the help of several dear friends, the patience of my boss and an inspector that was willing to answer all kinds of questions, we made the deadline!!
The basement still has a few things to be completed before we can actually enjoy the space (carpet etc), but the city is satisfied with the work and the rest of it should hopefully be completed soon.
Last... but certainly not least... this past Friday morning, my wife and I welcomed our *5th* child into the world!! Brooks Joseph Coates was born around 9:25 AM on Friday morning.
We were able to bring him home today and are in the process of spending our first night back in the house.
I'll write more soon, but thought today was an appropriate day for an update.
I hope you all are well and I pray that God will continue to draw us to Him and shape us in this new year.
In Him,
Jim
Within the last month, we've had the regular festivities of Christmas and New Year's (and the various family visits associated with said holidays), as well as a few other things. Let me give you an idea...
In the beginning of December, I played my third year with "Tribute". "Tribute" is a group of three ladies that put on a fantastic show once a year around Christmas. The night is filled with humor, comedy and of course Christmas tunes. Three years ago, I was asked to fill in for their regular guitar player, Bruce. Even though Bruce has been back the last two years, they've still asked me to join the festivities.
The show sold out all 4 nights that it played this year... a great testament to the quality of the show they put on. Its also one of the few events during the year where you will actually see me in dress pants versus my normal jeans. *grin*
December also brought the celebratory return of Parkview Evangelical Free Church back to the building it occupied prior to the Summer floods in Iowa. From June through December, the church met at a local high school... setting up and tearing down the entire church on a weekly basis.
The building is now put back together and is better than ever!! I look forward to many more weekends of worship there at the building!
December also brought on a crisis situation with our house. To make a long story short, half-way through the month we learned that we needed to have our basement complete by the end of December or "suffer the consequences" as they say. We'd been working on the basement for 3 years, but still had a long way to go.
I'm happy to say that by God's grace, the help of several dear friends, the patience of my boss and an inspector that was willing to answer all kinds of questions, we made the deadline!!
The basement still has a few things to be completed before we can actually enjoy the space (carpet etc), but the city is satisfied with the work and the rest of it should hopefully be completed soon.
Last... but certainly not least... this past Friday morning, my wife and I welcomed our *5th* child into the world!! Brooks Joseph Coates was born around 9:25 AM on Friday morning.
We were able to bring him home today and are in the process of spending our first night back in the house.
I'll write more soon, but thought today was an appropriate day for an update.
I hope you all are well and I pray that God will continue to draw us to Him and shape us in this new year.
In Him,
Jim
Monday, August 4, 2008
Brooke Fraser's Albertine
Ok... so I'm a worship leader. That means that I love all the worship tunes that you would normally hear on the radio or that can be found in most churches on your average Sunday morning, right?
No, not really.
Its usually the case that given any one organization of song writers (Hillsong United, Maranatha Praise, Vineyard Praise, Sovereign Grace, Indelible Grace etc), that I find myself drawn to a small sub-grouping of individual writers. That is to say that while I can say "I like Hillsong United", what I really mean to say is that there are certain songwriters within the Hillsong United family that I enjoy.
Now, don't take me wrong... this is not to say that any of the writers that aren't on my preferred list are less Godly, less talented or not as worthwhile... I am simply stating that given my personal preferences, there are only a few that I really enjoy.
This brings me to Brooke Fraser. Six months ago or so, I was introduced to one of her songs: "Hosanna". It was on some Hillsong project that someone had loaned to me to learn for a worship set. I remember distinctly thinking how great a song it was (and is).
More recently, the other singer for my Sunday night services (Thanks Virginia!!) gave me some music to another one of Brooke's songs entitled "None but Jesus". I'll admit that just reading through the music didn't give me much of a feel for the song, but I thought it would be worth checking out... so I piled it away in my list of "songs I hope to do in the future".
When I finally got around to tracking down the song on iTunes and giving it a listen, I was pleasantly surprised... another great song by Brooke.
Move forward a few more weeks... while reading through one of my trade magazines, there was a mention of the release of Brooke's new CD, "Albertine". Within a day or so of reading that, I also came across a review that Bob Kauflin put on his blog suggesting that people check out this new CD. (While some of you may not know who Bob is, he is well respected in my circle of worship-leading friends.)
I told Virginia about the CD being out and Bob's review and we both talked about how we needed to buy the CD.
Fast-forward to the service last night. While I'm finishing packing up, Virginia comes up to me and says "I got the CD and you're going to borrow it." Its true. She got the CD and I borrowed it. *grin*
I had to take a trip across town today, so I took it with me and popped it into the CD player... and was very surprised with what I heard.
Typically, I jump around CDs. I either get drawn into certain songs or pushed away from certain songs within the first 30 seconds or so. This was not the case with the Albertine CD.
Of the first 10 songs (that's all I had a chance to listen to), there was only one song that almost got the "next" from me. It wasn't necessarily because it was bad, but it was just not as good as the others.
Track for track, I was impressed with the writing and production of the CD.
I will say that many of the songs are similar... in fact, there were a couple vocal lines that were "re-used" from one song to the next... but the production and styling of the CD were impressive enough that it didn't matter.
If you don't know who Brooke is, but like Coldplay, Neil Finn, Sara Groves and a good message - do yourself a favor and check out the CD.
If you don't know who any of the people are I mentioned, STILL do yourself a favor and check out the CD.
I'm not sure Virginia is going to get her CD back. *grin*
In Him,
Jim
No, not really.
Its usually the case that given any one organization of song writers (Hillsong United, Maranatha Praise, Vineyard Praise, Sovereign Grace, Indelible Grace etc), that I find myself drawn to a small sub-grouping of individual writers. That is to say that while I can say "I like Hillsong United", what I really mean to say is that there are certain songwriters within the Hillsong United family that I enjoy.
Now, don't take me wrong... this is not to say that any of the writers that aren't on my preferred list are less Godly, less talented or not as worthwhile... I am simply stating that given my personal preferences, there are only a few that I really enjoy.
This brings me to Brooke Fraser. Six months ago or so, I was introduced to one of her songs: "Hosanna". It was on some Hillsong project that someone had loaned to me to learn for a worship set. I remember distinctly thinking how great a song it was (and is).
More recently, the other singer for my Sunday night services (Thanks Virginia!!) gave me some music to another one of Brooke's songs entitled "None but Jesus". I'll admit that just reading through the music didn't give me much of a feel for the song, but I thought it would be worth checking out... so I piled it away in my list of "songs I hope to do in the future".
When I finally got around to tracking down the song on iTunes and giving it a listen, I was pleasantly surprised... another great song by Brooke.
Move forward a few more weeks... while reading through one of my trade magazines, there was a mention of the release of Brooke's new CD, "Albertine". Within a day or so of reading that, I also came across a review that Bob Kauflin put on his blog suggesting that people check out this new CD. (While some of you may not know who Bob is, he is well respected in my circle of worship-leading friends.)
I told Virginia about the CD being out and Bob's review and we both talked about how we needed to buy the CD.
Fast-forward to the service last night. While I'm finishing packing up, Virginia comes up to me and says "I got the CD and you're going to borrow it." Its true. She got the CD and I borrowed it. *grin*
I had to take a trip across town today, so I took it with me and popped it into the CD player... and was very surprised with what I heard.
Typically, I jump around CDs. I either get drawn into certain songs or pushed away from certain songs within the first 30 seconds or so. This was not the case with the Albertine CD.
Of the first 10 songs (that's all I had a chance to listen to), there was only one song that almost got the "next" from me. It wasn't necessarily because it was bad, but it was just not as good as the others.
Track for track, I was impressed with the writing and production of the CD.
I will say that many of the songs are similar... in fact, there were a couple vocal lines that were "re-used" from one song to the next... but the production and styling of the CD were impressive enough that it didn't matter.
If you don't know who Brooke is, but like Coldplay, Neil Finn, Sara Groves and a good message - do yourself a favor and check out the CD.
If you don't know who any of the people are I mentioned, STILL do yourself a favor and check out the CD.
I'm not sure Virginia is going to get her CD back. *grin*
In Him,
Jim
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Stop Or Go
Recently, God's been teaching me a lesson on perspective. His perspective versus ours. I'll admit it... I'm often one to focus on the rip in the silver lining (*grin*), so this is an interesting, painful and tedious lesson to unravel.
I would be curious to know your thoughts on this. How do we differentiate God teaching us through adversity (while working toward a goal) versus God presenting adversity to steer us away to another path?
Let me present a hypothetical example: You work at Wal-Mart. You enjoy working at Wal-Mart and have peace in feeling like you are meant to be there. You might even say that you feel called to work for Wal-Mart and believe that you are well suited for work at the customer service counter (though you currently work in the warehouse). Of the 5 or 6 people you began your employment with, 4 of them have since moved on to be customer service workers... seemingly with little effort... while you remain in the warehouse having been passed over 4 or 5 times.
Would you say that A) God is protecting you from being in customer service, even though you believe that's where you should be, B) God is refining something in you to better prepare you for your customer service roll, C) God has nothing to do with it... try harder or D) some other answer?
Obviously, this is NOT my situation, nor are the answers I presented the only way of looking at things... I just thought it would be interesting to hear how you all would reconcile the situation.
Let me know your thoughts!
In Him,
Jim
I would be curious to know your thoughts on this. How do we differentiate God teaching us through adversity (while working toward a goal) versus God presenting adversity to steer us away to another path?
Let me present a hypothetical example: You work at Wal-Mart. You enjoy working at Wal-Mart and have peace in feeling like you are meant to be there. You might even say that you feel called to work for Wal-Mart and believe that you are well suited for work at the customer service counter (though you currently work in the warehouse). Of the 5 or 6 people you began your employment with, 4 of them have since moved on to be customer service workers... seemingly with little effort... while you remain in the warehouse having been passed over 4 or 5 times.
Would you say that A) God is protecting you from being in customer service, even though you believe that's where you should be, B) God is refining something in you to better prepare you for your customer service roll, C) God has nothing to do with it... try harder or D) some other answer?
Obviously, this is NOT my situation, nor are the answers I presented the only way of looking at things... I just thought it would be interesting to hear how you all would reconcile the situation.
Let me know your thoughts!
In Him,
Jim
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
You Didn't Let Go - Julie's Song
In yesterday's post, I mentioned a song that my friend Joel had recently written for a friend's funeral.
With Joel's permission, I've posted the song for you to listen to:
In Him,
Jim
With Joel's permission, I've posted the song for you to listen to:
You Didn't Let Go - Julie's Song
In Him,
Jim
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Mortality
This afternoon I emailed my friend Joel about some songs he and I are considering working on together. The response I received was not one that I expected.
He told me that he hasn't been able to listen to the songs yet, because a close friend of his died tragically this past week.
She was apparently trying to rescue a young girl from a river when she was overtaken by the current herself and drown.
My friend wrote a song for the funeral.
I took a listen to it tonight and was struck by the beauty of the words that he had to say about his friend.
It makes me wonder what people would say about me? It makes me wonder what I would say about the people I know? How well do I know them and how well do they know me?
It also makes me realize that your health today doesn't always equate to your life tomorrow. Sometimes God defies all earthly reasoning and keeps people like my friend Jody alive... while taking people like Joel's friend.
It puts into perspective the days that I'm too wrapped up in myself to care for others. Or the times that I bark at the kids because they aren't behaving as I expect.
How well did we use today? How much faith do we put in tomorrow?
Maybe I'll ask Joel if I can post a link to the song here. It truly is a beautiful tribute to his friend.
In Him,
Jim
He told me that he hasn't been able to listen to the songs yet, because a close friend of his died tragically this past week.
She was apparently trying to rescue a young girl from a river when she was overtaken by the current herself and drown.
My friend wrote a song for the funeral.
I took a listen to it tonight and was struck by the beauty of the words that he had to say about his friend.
It makes me wonder what people would say about me? It makes me wonder what I would say about the people I know? How well do I know them and how well do they know me?
It also makes me realize that your health today doesn't always equate to your life tomorrow. Sometimes God defies all earthly reasoning and keeps people like my friend Jody alive... while taking people like Joel's friend.
It puts into perspective the days that I'm too wrapped up in myself to care for others. Or the times that I bark at the kids because they aren't behaving as I expect.
How well did we use today? How much faith do we put in tomorrow?
Maybe I'll ask Joel if I can post a link to the song here. It truly is a beautiful tribute to his friend.
In Him,
Jim
Monday, June 16, 2008
The Flood And The Call
So, if you watch the news at all, you probably know that Iowa has been dealing with some serious flooding. Cedar Rapids (the town I live in) has been experiencing a 500-year flood, which essentially means we've never seen anything like it before.
Life, as we know it, has changed.
In Iowa City, the church I serve at was completely overtaken by water - requiring us to hold our services in a local school auditorium.
This weekend, I left Cedar Rapids at 5:00 am to head for Iowa City. What would have normally been a 40 minute drive on major interstates turned into an hour and 15 minute drive across small highways and gravel back roads. In my 30 some odd years of living in the Cedar Rapids and Iowa City areas, I drove through parts that I never even knew existed... hoping and praying that my old Honda with her 202,000 earned miles would safely make the journey.
As I made the trek early yesterday morning, there were hardly any cars out and about. As the sun lazily poked its head up from the east, I was amazed by the landscape that was being revealed. There were ponds of water and swollen rivers all over the countryside, clearly showing why the other routes between the two cities were closed.
As I sit here today contemplating a pretty big mental struggle in my life, I can't help but reflect on how God's call is like my drive through the flood: I often assume God will show up in ways that make sense to me... much like I've always assumed that the interstate would be open for me to travel upon... but sometimes its when God has us on those uncharted back roads, filled with uncertainty, that His light most clearly reveals the dangers He is helping us avoid. Much like the watery landscape that I could see from my back road adventure.
When I arrived in Iowa City yesterday morning I was early, so I turned the engine off , rolled down the window and sat listening to the birds chirping and the cool wind blowing. Amazed at the tranquility at the end of my journey. Not because I was clear of any additional storms, but more so because for that brief moment I could enjoy God's beauty in spite of the storms after a journey of doubt.
The time I spent worshiping with the church that morning was precious.
I guess my prayer in all of this is to be willing to "get in the car and drive". Its easy in a situation such as a flood to hole up and ignore your surroundings. Its easy to say "if I can't get there my way, I won't go at all". I want to allow God to take me on those back roads and reveal to me the dangers that He has helped me avoid. I want God to show me that willingness is stronger than fear. And I want to take the time between the storms to roll down the windows and reflect on the journey.
In Him,
Jim
Life, as we know it, has changed.
In Iowa City, the church I serve at was completely overtaken by water - requiring us to hold our services in a local school auditorium.
This weekend, I left Cedar Rapids at 5:00 am to head for Iowa City. What would have normally been a 40 minute drive on major interstates turned into an hour and 15 minute drive across small highways and gravel back roads. In my 30 some odd years of living in the Cedar Rapids and Iowa City areas, I drove through parts that I never even knew existed... hoping and praying that my old Honda with her 202,000 earned miles would safely make the journey.
As I made the trek early yesterday morning, there were hardly any cars out and about. As the sun lazily poked its head up from the east, I was amazed by the landscape that was being revealed. There were ponds of water and swollen rivers all over the countryside, clearly showing why the other routes between the two cities were closed.
As I sit here today contemplating a pretty big mental struggle in my life, I can't help but reflect on how God's call is like my drive through the flood: I often assume God will show up in ways that make sense to me... much like I've always assumed that the interstate would be open for me to travel upon... but sometimes its when God has us on those uncharted back roads, filled with uncertainty, that His light most clearly reveals the dangers He is helping us avoid. Much like the watery landscape that I could see from my back road adventure.
When I arrived in Iowa City yesterday morning I was early, so I turned the engine off , rolled down the window and sat listening to the birds chirping and the cool wind blowing. Amazed at the tranquility at the end of my journey. Not because I was clear of any additional storms, but more so because for that brief moment I could enjoy God's beauty in spite of the storms after a journey of doubt.
The time I spent worshiping with the church that morning was precious.
I guess my prayer in all of this is to be willing to "get in the car and drive". Its easy in a situation such as a flood to hole up and ignore your surroundings. Its easy to say "if I can't get there my way, I won't go at all". I want to allow God to take me on those back roads and reveal to me the dangers that He has helped me avoid. I want God to show me that willingness is stronger than fear. And I want to take the time between the storms to roll down the windows and reflect on the journey.
In Him,
Jim
Monday, May 19, 2008
Conviction, The Holy Spirit And Hot Dogs
This past Friday afternoon, I had the pleasure of lunch with a friend and coworker of mine. Granted, I normally get to eat lunch on Fridays with my coworkers, but this particular Friday it was just me and Jeff... and when its just me and Jeff, we tend to eat less healthy foods than usual. Friday's choice was a favorite of mine - the Flying Wienie in Cedar Rapids.
For those 10 or 20 of you that actually own a Just William CD, we actually featured a cup with the Flying Wienie logo in one of the pictures on the inside of the CD cover.
The food was of course excellent, but the conversation was nice too.
Jeff is a very intelligent man... far smarter than I am. His office is immaculate - mine usually looks like a series of small tornadoes attacked some cross of a music store, a Mt. Dew factory and a home office. His lawn is nicely manicured - mine doesn't need mowing, because the dandelions have such pretty flowers and it would be a shame to cut them all to pieces.
All additional Felix Ungar/Oscar Madison comparisons aside, Jeff and I share a love for the arts and I believe both of us have hearts for being obedient toward God's will.
I appreciated the time of being able to bounce my scattered rants past Jeff and see where that directed the conversation.
To say that life has been crazy lately, would be an understatement. To claim that my heart isn't being torn in two over many situations, would be less than honest. To state that I desire clarity of direction from God, would be far too mild... but in the midst of it all, I praise God for conversations such as the one this past Friday. Conversations where smarter men than I reassure me that my convictions aren't crazy.
I've had several of those lately... this past week with Jeff, a few weeks back when Ashley and I met John and Sharon in Dubuque, a phone call here and there from my friend Paul and several late night talks with my wife, Ashley.
So... why on earth the title of this particular post? Well, its simple: Godly conviction, the work of the Holy Spirit and Flying Wienie hot dogs have all shared a special place in my heart this past week... I also can't seem to get my fill of any of them.. and they all seem better when shared with a friend.
Grab a friend and go down to the Flying Wienie. Order up a "double play" (two dogs Chicago style) and sit back and ask each other what it is God wants to communicate in and through our lives. Trust me, it makes for an enjoyable and thought provoking afternoon.
In Him,
Jim
For those 10 or 20 of you that actually own a Just William CD, we actually featured a cup with the Flying Wienie logo in one of the pictures on the inside of the CD cover.
The food was of course excellent, but the conversation was nice too.
Jeff is a very intelligent man... far smarter than I am. His office is immaculate - mine usually looks like a series of small tornadoes attacked some cross of a music store, a Mt. Dew factory and a home office. His lawn is nicely manicured - mine doesn't need mowing, because the dandelions have such pretty flowers and it would be a shame to cut them all to pieces.
All additional Felix Ungar/Oscar Madison comparisons aside, Jeff and I share a love for the arts and I believe both of us have hearts for being obedient toward God's will.
I appreciated the time of being able to bounce my scattered rants past Jeff and see where that directed the conversation.
To say that life has been crazy lately, would be an understatement. To claim that my heart isn't being torn in two over many situations, would be less than honest. To state that I desire clarity of direction from God, would be far too mild... but in the midst of it all, I praise God for conversations such as the one this past Friday. Conversations where smarter men than I reassure me that my convictions aren't crazy.
I've had several of those lately... this past week with Jeff, a few weeks back when Ashley and I met John and Sharon in Dubuque, a phone call here and there from my friend Paul and several late night talks with my wife, Ashley.
So... why on earth the title of this particular post? Well, its simple: Godly conviction, the work of the Holy Spirit and Flying Wienie hot dogs have all shared a special place in my heart this past week... I also can't seem to get my fill of any of them.. and they all seem better when shared with a friend.
Grab a friend and go down to the Flying Wienie. Order up a "double play" (two dogs Chicago style) and sit back and ask each other what it is God wants to communicate in and through our lives. Trust me, it makes for an enjoyable and thought provoking afternoon.
In Him,
Jim
Friday, April 11, 2008
We Serve A God Of Wonder
Have you ever sat quietly and thought about how amazing God really is? Marveled at the wonder of His ways? Truly tried to be aware of His presence?
This past week has been filled with what we call around here "God winks". That's actually a term that my wife and a couple of dear friends have used for quite some time. I don't know if its original to them, but that's where I learned it from.
Let's start off with an update on a situation: My throat. As some of you may know (if you read a few posts back), I had an appointment to see an ENT physician about some stress and strain on my voice. I think my primary physician categorized it as "chronic laryngitis". I've had struggles with keeping my voice healthy for a while... it is usually fine when I really need it, but then I'd pay for it for a day or two after from the strain.
I had the chance to sing for a friend's wedding (Hey Katie and Eli!!) back a month and a half ago. I know God was protecting me, as I was sick but managed to make it through a day of rehearsals and the actual wedding. However, immediately after (the next week) I pretty much lost my voice completely, which is what prompted the ENT visit.
Well, in order to not drag this on - I was concerned that I had nodules on my vocal cords, which are actually like calluses and can cause all sorts of problems with your voice. After two visits to the ENT and having cameras pushed down my throat, I am pleased to say that they didn't find any.
The doctor said that I have acid reflux and allergies... both of which cause vocal fatigue and "crud in your throat". Both treatable by medication.
Sorry for that long update... that's not really the purpose of this post, but I wanted to let everyone know how it was progressing. I still have two more doctors appointments to test for allergies and check treatment options.
Now... what I wanted to talk about is how God stirs us. How He communicates in ways and through things we don't expect. How if we really pay attention to Him, He shows up in some unusual places.
A while back a friend from the church I lead worship at came across a familiar name on my blog. Turns out the person named was ALSO a friend of his!! Mr. Smith (I'll call him that since it really is his name) got in touch with Caesar (That's not his name, but it is easier to type than his real name!) and mentioned my blog. Caesar checked it out and decided to get in touch with me... after we hadn't really communicated for several years.
Anyhow Caesar (his last name is Czerwinski... get the connection?) has since been in contact with me several times. Its been great reconnecting with my friend... he was the director of the very first praise team I ever served on many, many moons ago. He was a great encourager then and an even better one now.
Rumor has it that he even had his worship team at his current church read my blog... maybe he was trying to get his 15 seconds of fame!! I'm joking of course... Caesar is one of the nicest, most servant-hearted people I know.
I won't go into details, but God seems to have brought him back into my life at this time to stir some possible answers to some very recent, but very real prayers. Answers that are so far outside the box from what I was expecting.
Maybe those answers will turn out to just be more questions, but none the less my friend reminded me of the wonder of the God we serve. How unpredictable His path is by human reasoning, but how sweetly and perfectly predictable His faithfulness to us and grace and love for us are.
Now... here's more fuel for the fire. 24 hours prior to Caesar calling me, I had sent a prayer list to another friend in Texas (Hey Emily!!) and had a conversation with my wife about a particular prayer request.
I tried very hard on the list I sent Emily to be honest about my family's prayer needs. I wanted to ask for prayer in areas that would only be answered by God's hand. It just so happens that one of the things Caesar felt like he needed to talk with me about was one of those prayer requests. He had no knowledge of me sending them to Emily.
Also on that SAME day, I got emails from two other long, lost friends... basically all checking in to say they were "thinking about me".
It has truly been a strange, strange week. I'm not sure how it will all resolve and that may not even be the point... I think the point for me today is just to be in awe of the God we serve and how amazing it is that He interacts with us the way that He does. This isn't a spectator sport and we aren't simply pawns in a game.
I told my friend Jim from PA about the prayer email and how it didn't even take 24 hours for some of it to be addressed... Jim's comment back to me was along the lines of "What?! You don't think God can read emails!?"
So... I'm not sure where you are all at with your personal walks. Not sure where your desires and convictions are... but I pray that you would look for God around every corner and behind every situation that exists in your life. I promise you He is there and that once we quiet our own voice to hear His, we might just be surprised by His presence, blessed by His love and kept in awe of His wonder.
In Him,
Jim
This past week has been filled with what we call around here "God winks". That's actually a term that my wife and a couple of dear friends have used for quite some time. I don't know if its original to them, but that's where I learned it from.
Let's start off with an update on a situation: My throat. As some of you may know (if you read a few posts back), I had an appointment to see an ENT physician about some stress and strain on my voice. I think my primary physician categorized it as "chronic laryngitis". I've had struggles with keeping my voice healthy for a while... it is usually fine when I really need it, but then I'd pay for it for a day or two after from the strain.
I had the chance to sing for a friend's wedding (Hey Katie and Eli!!) back a month and a half ago. I know God was protecting me, as I was sick but managed to make it through a day of rehearsals and the actual wedding. However, immediately after (the next week) I pretty much lost my voice completely, which is what prompted the ENT visit.
Well, in order to not drag this on - I was concerned that I had nodules on my vocal cords, which are actually like calluses and can cause all sorts of problems with your voice. After two visits to the ENT and having cameras pushed down my throat, I am pleased to say that they didn't find any.
The doctor said that I have acid reflux and allergies... both of which cause vocal fatigue and "crud in your throat". Both treatable by medication.
Sorry for that long update... that's not really the purpose of this post, but I wanted to let everyone know how it was progressing. I still have two more doctors appointments to test for allergies and check treatment options.
Now... what I wanted to talk about is how God stirs us. How He communicates in ways and through things we don't expect. How if we really pay attention to Him, He shows up in some unusual places.
A while back a friend from the church I lead worship at came across a familiar name on my blog. Turns out the person named was ALSO a friend of his!! Mr. Smith (I'll call him that since it really is his name) got in touch with Caesar (That's not his name, but it is easier to type than his real name!) and mentioned my blog. Caesar checked it out and decided to get in touch with me... after we hadn't really communicated for several years.
Anyhow Caesar (his last name is Czerwinski... get the connection?) has since been in contact with me several times. Its been great reconnecting with my friend... he was the director of the very first praise team I ever served on many, many moons ago. He was a great encourager then and an even better one now.
Rumor has it that he even had his worship team at his current church read my blog... maybe he was trying to get his 15 seconds of fame!! I'm joking of course... Caesar is one of the nicest, most servant-hearted people I know.
I won't go into details, but God seems to have brought him back into my life at this time to stir some possible answers to some very recent, but very real prayers. Answers that are so far outside the box from what I was expecting.
Maybe those answers will turn out to just be more questions, but none the less my friend reminded me of the wonder of the God we serve. How unpredictable His path is by human reasoning, but how sweetly and perfectly predictable His faithfulness to us and grace and love for us are.
Now... here's more fuel for the fire. 24 hours prior to Caesar calling me, I had sent a prayer list to another friend in Texas (Hey Emily!!) and had a conversation with my wife about a particular prayer request.
I tried very hard on the list I sent Emily to be honest about my family's prayer needs. I wanted to ask for prayer in areas that would only be answered by God's hand. It just so happens that one of the things Caesar felt like he needed to talk with me about was one of those prayer requests. He had no knowledge of me sending them to Emily.
Also on that SAME day, I got emails from two other long, lost friends... basically all checking in to say they were "thinking about me".
It has truly been a strange, strange week. I'm not sure how it will all resolve and that may not even be the point... I think the point for me today is just to be in awe of the God we serve and how amazing it is that He interacts with us the way that He does. This isn't a spectator sport and we aren't simply pawns in a game.
I told my friend Jim from PA about the prayer email and how it didn't even take 24 hours for some of it to be addressed... Jim's comment back to me was along the lines of "What?! You don't think God can read emails!?"
So... I'm not sure where you are all at with your personal walks. Not sure where your desires and convictions are... but I pray that you would look for God around every corner and behind every situation that exists in your life. I promise you He is there and that once we quiet our own voice to hear His, we might just be surprised by His presence, blessed by His love and kept in awe of His wonder.
In Him,
Jim
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Are We Too Apathetic?
Today I was getting ready for the day and had the Weather Channel on. They were discussing the weather for tonight's space shuttle landing. I had no idea that the shuttle was landing tonight... I barely even remembered that it had been launched.
I started thinking about how "routine" it has become for our space program to take a large chunk of metal, propelled by controlled explosions and send it hurdling past the earth's atmosphere to rendezvous with other chunks of metal held in a somewhat continuous orbit in space.
I remember in Jr. High going to the school library to watch the shuttle launches and landings live... because they were such a big deal. I was even there watching live when the Challenger catastrophe happened.
My point being, the amazing feats involved with such shuttle launches and landings are no less astonishing today... we've simply become accustomed to them.
Parallel this with our walk as a Christian. Have we become so accustomed to the miracle of salvation that we treat it as common place? Are we still amazed daily at the grace provided to us by a loving God and how that has forever changed our eternity?
I might just have to have the kids sit down tonight and watch the shuttle landing.
Jim
I started thinking about how "routine" it has become for our space program to take a large chunk of metal, propelled by controlled explosions and send it hurdling past the earth's atmosphere to rendezvous with other chunks of metal held in a somewhat continuous orbit in space.
I remember in Jr. High going to the school library to watch the shuttle launches and landings live... because they were such a big deal. I was even there watching live when the Challenger catastrophe happened.
My point being, the amazing feats involved with such shuttle launches and landings are no less astonishing today... we've simply become accustomed to them.
Parallel this with our walk as a Christian. Have we become so accustomed to the miracle of salvation that we treat it as common place? Are we still amazed daily at the grace provided to us by a loving God and how that has forever changed our eternity?
I might just have to have the kids sit down tonight and watch the shuttle landing.
Jim
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
In Sickness And In Health...
Hey all. Sorry it has been such a long time since I last wrote something here. Life has just been... well... busy, like life tends to do from time to time.
How have you all been? Seriously... I'd love to know. I never know who reads my little rants and raves in my small corner of the internet. I don't claim to have any wonderful insights that people would line up to read and I certainly break the rule of "sharing too much" to the point that people probably shy away. Still, it always amazes me the little notes or comments I get from people... many of which I had no idea ever visit here.
So what's new with me? I've been sick... really sick. I'm on my third week of various "cruds". At first I had the flu. Followed immediately by a cold.
The amazing thing is that I had a wedding to sing at right in the middle of those two. I worried that I wouldn't have a voice, but God somehow saw it fit for me to be able to sing for literally about a 72 hour period.
Its usually the case that I push the limits of what my body wants to do when I am sick. I usually try to downplay being sick and stay active in events. Even this past weekend, I was to play a coffee shop gig with my friend Paul and I was certain that I'd pull through for that one as well. My body had different plans. I played the show, but I had no voice to sing with... so I simply played "guitar monkey" while Paul did all the singing.
What was my body's answer to me pushing it so hard these past several weeks? A throat and sinus infection. Barely any voice, fevers, chills, shakes, night sweats, headaches, joint pains... Its been a miserable last week. So much so that I finally caved in and asked my wife to schedule an appointment with the doctor (I dislike going to doctor's offices).
He put me on some horse pills to fight the infection. Coupled with that is a nice concoction of cold and sinus medicine, pain killers and sleep aids... this of course leaves me in a medicated state. I know what you're thinking and yes, the doctor DID tell me to take these things.
I feel better today than I did two days ago, but I'm certainly not back to 100%... not even 80% yet...
Since I rarely go to doctors, I took the opportunity to talk with my doctor (who by the way is the same age as me... its really kind of strange) about an ongoing complication I've had. For the past several years, my voice has tended to give out with little to no warning. It doesn't go away completely, it just loses some of its range and makes it difficult to sing. It will usually be the case that I can make it through a rehearsal for a service, but by the time the service starts my voice is so warn out that I can't sing what I was just able to 30 minutes before. I also often find my voice scratchy or cracking while I'm talking. I've worried about this for some time, but just haven't done anything about it.
The doctor told me that it could be one of three things: acid reflux, allergies or nodules on my vocal cords. Acid reflux and allergies can be treated with medication. Nodules often require vocal rest at the least and surgery (with weeks to months of vocal rest) at the worst. If surgery is needed, there is the possibility of not being able to sing or having a completely different sound to your voice.
He referred me to an ENT specialist. The scheduler called them right then and there to set up an appointment (which I was expecting to be weeks out, knowing how medical schedules are)... my appointment is TOMORROW.
I don't want to be a hypochondriac, but I'm certainly nervous about what they will tell me.
I'd appreciate prayers over this matter.
Something else I should mention... I'll be participating in this year's Worship Summit here in Cedar Rapids. I'll be playing guitar for a couple of the groups through the weekend and teaching break out sessions during the day on Saturday. The biggest news for me in regards to the Summit, is that I will be the keynote speaker for Friday night!! I was involved in working with a few national artists for the keynote spot on Friday, but it seems that God had other plans. I kept having this thought of a particular topic going through my head. I asked my friend Paul what he thought and before I knew what I had done, I was the speaker. *grin* Seriously though, I'm looking forward to it!!
I strongly recommend you looking into the conference if you are in the Cedar Rapids area. Its going to be a good one this year!!
Thanks for letting me bend your ear... I'll try to be more "up to date" here as I learn more about my throat and my head climbs out from beneath the fog of medication.
In Him,
Jim
How have you all been? Seriously... I'd love to know. I never know who reads my little rants and raves in my small corner of the internet. I don't claim to have any wonderful insights that people would line up to read and I certainly break the rule of "sharing too much" to the point that people probably shy away. Still, it always amazes me the little notes or comments I get from people... many of which I had no idea ever visit here.
So what's new with me? I've been sick... really sick. I'm on my third week of various "cruds". At first I had the flu. Followed immediately by a cold.
The amazing thing is that I had a wedding to sing at right in the middle of those two. I worried that I wouldn't have a voice, but God somehow saw it fit for me to be able to sing for literally about a 72 hour period.
Its usually the case that I push the limits of what my body wants to do when I am sick. I usually try to downplay being sick and stay active in events. Even this past weekend, I was to play a coffee shop gig with my friend Paul and I was certain that I'd pull through for that one as well. My body had different plans. I played the show, but I had no voice to sing with... so I simply played "guitar monkey" while Paul did all the singing.
What was my body's answer to me pushing it so hard these past several weeks? A throat and sinus infection. Barely any voice, fevers, chills, shakes, night sweats, headaches, joint pains... Its been a miserable last week. So much so that I finally caved in and asked my wife to schedule an appointment with the doctor (I dislike going to doctor's offices).
He put me on some horse pills to fight the infection. Coupled with that is a nice concoction of cold and sinus medicine, pain killers and sleep aids... this of course leaves me in a medicated state. I know what you're thinking and yes, the doctor DID tell me to take these things.
I feel better today than I did two days ago, but I'm certainly not back to 100%... not even 80% yet...
Since I rarely go to doctors, I took the opportunity to talk with my doctor (who by the way is the same age as me... its really kind of strange) about an ongoing complication I've had. For the past several years, my voice has tended to give out with little to no warning. It doesn't go away completely, it just loses some of its range and makes it difficult to sing. It will usually be the case that I can make it through a rehearsal for a service, but by the time the service starts my voice is so warn out that I can't sing what I was just able to 30 minutes before. I also often find my voice scratchy or cracking while I'm talking. I've worried about this for some time, but just haven't done anything about it.
The doctor told me that it could be one of three things: acid reflux, allergies or nodules on my vocal cords. Acid reflux and allergies can be treated with medication. Nodules often require vocal rest at the least and surgery (with weeks to months of vocal rest) at the worst. If surgery is needed, there is the possibility of not being able to sing or having a completely different sound to your voice.
He referred me to an ENT specialist. The scheduler called them right then and there to set up an appointment (which I was expecting to be weeks out, knowing how medical schedules are)... my appointment is TOMORROW.
I don't want to be a hypochondriac, but I'm certainly nervous about what they will tell me.
I'd appreciate prayers over this matter.
Something else I should mention... I'll be participating in this year's Worship Summit here in Cedar Rapids. I'll be playing guitar for a couple of the groups through the weekend and teaching break out sessions during the day on Saturday. The biggest news for me in regards to the Summit, is that I will be the keynote speaker for Friday night!! I was involved in working with a few national artists for the keynote spot on Friday, but it seems that God had other plans. I kept having this thought of a particular topic going through my head. I asked my friend Paul what he thought and before I knew what I had done, I was the speaker. *grin* Seriously though, I'm looking forward to it!!
I strongly recommend you looking into the conference if you are in the Cedar Rapids area. Its going to be a good one this year!!
Thanks for letting me bend your ear... I'll try to be more "up to date" here as I learn more about my throat and my head climbs out from beneath the fog of medication.
In Him,
Jim
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Roby Duke
It may be a little known fact to many, but singer-songwriter/folk/fingerstyle guitar music has been a favorite of mine for many years, though I tend to steer clear of the names that most people know (James Taylor, etc.)
Instead I have a handful of lesser known artists that I've grown to appreciate over the years: Tuck and Patti, David Wilcox, Neil Finn, Patty Griffin, Shawn Colvin, EmmyLou Harris, John Hiatt, etc.
One such artist that I have been influenced by over the years was a man named Roby Duke.
I was introduced to Roby (musically) by my friend, John Czerwinski, back in 1990 or 1991. I had never heard of him before, but John insisted that I take a listen to this person.
One listen was all it really took.
It was hard to find Roby's recordings (and still is to some extent), but I remember purchasing "Bridge Divine" and just getting lost listening to it as I drove around Iowa City (a habit I developed to escape for a little while).
That particular CD told much of Roby's life story. From his upbringing in Mississippi, to his struggle with friends and family, to his ultimate desire to surrender to God.
If you read Roby's story on his web site, there were some definite times of struggle. There were some definite times of doubt. Sounds like a familiar theme to the things you read here on my blog, eh? But in the end, I think Roby found himself where he longed most to be... at the feet of his heavenly father.
If you wonder why I speak of Roby in past tense... let me explain it to you: December 26th, 2007, Roby died of a heart attack in his home.
I kick myself because just a few months earlier, I met Roby at the CMS conference in Seattle. We greeted as we passed each other... he as leaving one class (which he taught) and I was attending one starting in the same room, moments later.
I had fully intended to go to some of Roby's sessions that weekend, but there were only so many times certain other classes were offered, including ones I was assisting my friend, John Carlson, in teaching.
It is hard to explain Roby's presence... he seemed to me a rugged, but gentle man who wanted nothing more than to be used by God in spite of everything. He definitely didn't fit the mold of the stereotypical worship leader/Christian musician... which I found very cool.
I remember some years back emailing Roby to ask him about the tuning on a song (Bridge Divine). To my surprise, he emailed me back and we had a nice conversation about the song. It impressed me that he was willing to do so.
Anyhow, I want to share with you three video clips of Roby from YouTube, to give you an idea of the man and his music. Maybe some of you will be influenced by what he has to say and how he says it.
The first clip is from the 2006 CMS conference in Seattle.
This second clip is a version of "Amazing Grace" that Roby performed at another CMS related conference in mid 2007. This song in particular struck a chord with me.
I've read that Roby enjoyed his last show on the 24th of December with his son. Everyone said he was smiling and couldn't be more proud sharing the stage with his own son.
Lastly, 3 days before his death, Roby shared this song with a congregation at a church. Listen to the song and enjoy the heart of the man and remember that just 3 days later, the lyrics of the song came true.
Roby - thanks for the music and thanks for the ministry... I smile at the idea of you getting your chance to touch God's very face.
In Him,
Jim
Instead I have a handful of lesser known artists that I've grown to appreciate over the years: Tuck and Patti, David Wilcox, Neil Finn, Patty Griffin, Shawn Colvin, EmmyLou Harris, John Hiatt, etc.
One such artist that I have been influenced by over the years was a man named Roby Duke.
I was introduced to Roby (musically) by my friend, John Czerwinski, back in 1990 or 1991. I had never heard of him before, but John insisted that I take a listen to this person.
One listen was all it really took.
It was hard to find Roby's recordings (and still is to some extent), but I remember purchasing "Bridge Divine" and just getting lost listening to it as I drove around Iowa City (a habit I developed to escape for a little while).
That particular CD told much of Roby's life story. From his upbringing in Mississippi, to his struggle with friends and family, to his ultimate desire to surrender to God.
If you read Roby's story on his web site, there were some definite times of struggle. There were some definite times of doubt. Sounds like a familiar theme to the things you read here on my blog, eh? But in the end, I think Roby found himself where he longed most to be... at the feet of his heavenly father.
If you wonder why I speak of Roby in past tense... let me explain it to you: December 26th, 2007, Roby died of a heart attack in his home.
I kick myself because just a few months earlier, I met Roby at the CMS conference in Seattle. We greeted as we passed each other... he as leaving one class (which he taught) and I was attending one starting in the same room, moments later.
I had fully intended to go to some of Roby's sessions that weekend, but there were only so many times certain other classes were offered, including ones I was assisting my friend, John Carlson, in teaching.
It is hard to explain Roby's presence... he seemed to me a rugged, but gentle man who wanted nothing more than to be used by God in spite of everything. He definitely didn't fit the mold of the stereotypical worship leader/Christian musician... which I found very cool.
I remember some years back emailing Roby to ask him about the tuning on a song (Bridge Divine). To my surprise, he emailed me back and we had a nice conversation about the song. It impressed me that he was willing to do so.
Anyhow, I want to share with you three video clips of Roby from YouTube, to give you an idea of the man and his music. Maybe some of you will be influenced by what he has to say and how he says it.
The first clip is from the 2006 CMS conference in Seattle.
This second clip is a version of "Amazing Grace" that Roby performed at another CMS related conference in mid 2007. This song in particular struck a chord with me.
I've read that Roby enjoyed his last show on the 24th of December with his son. Everyone said he was smiling and couldn't be more proud sharing the stage with his own son.
Lastly, 3 days before his death, Roby shared this song with a congregation at a church. Listen to the song and enjoy the heart of the man and remember that just 3 days later, the lyrics of the song came true.
Roby - thanks for the music and thanks for the ministry... I smile at the idea of you getting your chance to touch God's very face.
In Him,
Jim
Friday, January 18, 2008
Life: Carnival ride or perfectly orchestrated plan?
Hey everyone. I know it has been a while since I last sat down to share with you all that has been going on. I apologize for that.
With that out of the way, let me talk to you a little bit about "life". I find it funny how God seems to take people through similar paths in life. I've been dealing with a lot of things that are weighing heavy on my heart and mind lately (more on that later) and dwelling on the distance that I seem to create between me and God when I am "in the valley" (as my good friend, Mango would say).
Its a feeling of complete loneliness.
For some reason this afternoon, I decided to look at my band's (I should say ex-band's) MySpace page and noticed that my friend, Jason, added a blog post to his MySpace about prayer. More specifically he posted about dealing with his lack of prayer and disappointment of prayers of the past. The entire post is on a site he is involved with called "The Rabbit Room" and can be found here.
I'll be honest with you... reading the post brought me to a point of helplessness (because I'm not coming out of my valley like Jason is), fear (because I'm reminded of the troubles in life right now) and jealousy (because Jason speaks so eloquently into the lives of others via cool things like "The Rabbit Room" and I'm just... well... me).
How sick is that?
So what's going on that brings this heaviness? Let me give a quick list:
1) Job anxiety: I'll leave it at this, but know that there are significant changes that leave me anything but comfortable and confident.
2) Church anxiety: I started a new service with three friends at a church here in town almost 1 year ago. Two of the friends have removed themselves from any sort of active involvement, which leads the brunt of the work for the other two.
3) Basement anxiety: We've lived in this house for nearly 5 years now. We finally decided to move on finishing the basement (we have a two year old living in our closet because the rooms for the children aren't done in the basement). As we've worked on the basement we've run into multiple issues: leaky, condensating windows, cracks in the foundation, budget issues (see reason #1), time issues (see reason #1 and #2), etc.
4) Health anxiety: My family has been sick this fall/winter. Don't know why, but it seems like as soon as one is healthy, the next one falls. Once it gets around to all six of us, it just seems to start over.
5) Personal disappointment: Over the past year, my convictions in certain areas related to our purpose and pursuits have strengthened considerably. The problem is, the more I strive after purpose, the more disappointed in my abilities I become.
What all does this amount to? Well, honestly not really much. There's nothing in the above list that really matters from an eternal perspective. Yet these very things have driven walls between me and God. I know that God didn't put the walls up, which means that I must have... so... here we go back to reason #5.
People always suggest taking a step back and gaining perspective on things. Or perhaps reading a book about particular matters. The big problem is that when I feel so strapped for time and energy that I can't even read THE book or talk to THE Man about what's going on, how could ever make time for some other reading material?
Now don't get me wrong... God's still done some amazing things lately. The problem is, I just simply don't understand "why?"... or better yet "why me?". This holds equally true for both the good and the bad situations.
Do you ever pray for God to show up in an amazingly unmistakable way? Do something so outrageous that there is no way to doubt? Did He do it or was it a case (as Jason describes) where you were just talking to yourself?
It is times like this that I wonder "is this a perfect plan or just a carnival ride?"
My heart knows what the answer is, but my mind seems to want to disagree.
Jim
With that out of the way, let me talk to you a little bit about "life". I find it funny how God seems to take people through similar paths in life. I've been dealing with a lot of things that are weighing heavy on my heart and mind lately (more on that later) and dwelling on the distance that I seem to create between me and God when I am "in the valley" (as my good friend, Mango would say).
Its a feeling of complete loneliness.
For some reason this afternoon, I decided to look at my band's (I should say ex-band's) MySpace page and noticed that my friend, Jason, added a blog post to his MySpace about prayer. More specifically he posted about dealing with his lack of prayer and disappointment of prayers of the past. The entire post is on a site he is involved with called "The Rabbit Room" and can be found here.
I'll be honest with you... reading the post brought me to a point of helplessness (because I'm not coming out of my valley like Jason is), fear (because I'm reminded of the troubles in life right now) and jealousy (because Jason speaks so eloquently into the lives of others via cool things like "The Rabbit Room" and I'm just... well... me).
How sick is that?
So what's going on that brings this heaviness? Let me give a quick list:
1) Job anxiety: I'll leave it at this, but know that there are significant changes that leave me anything but comfortable and confident.
2) Church anxiety: I started a new service with three friends at a church here in town almost 1 year ago. Two of the friends have removed themselves from any sort of active involvement, which leads the brunt of the work for the other two.
3) Basement anxiety: We've lived in this house for nearly 5 years now. We finally decided to move on finishing the basement (we have a two year old living in our closet because the rooms for the children aren't done in the basement). As we've worked on the basement we've run into multiple issues: leaky, condensating windows, cracks in the foundation, budget issues (see reason #1), time issues (see reason #1 and #2), etc.
4) Health anxiety: My family has been sick this fall/winter. Don't know why, but it seems like as soon as one is healthy, the next one falls. Once it gets around to all six of us, it just seems to start over.
5) Personal disappointment: Over the past year, my convictions in certain areas related to our purpose and pursuits have strengthened considerably. The problem is, the more I strive after purpose, the more disappointed in my abilities I become.
What all does this amount to? Well, honestly not really much. There's nothing in the above list that really matters from an eternal perspective. Yet these very things have driven walls between me and God. I know that God didn't put the walls up, which means that I must have... so... here we go back to reason #5.
People always suggest taking a step back and gaining perspective on things. Or perhaps reading a book about particular matters. The big problem is that when I feel so strapped for time and energy that I can't even read THE book or talk to THE Man about what's going on, how could ever make time for some other reading material?
Now don't get me wrong... God's still done some amazing things lately. The problem is, I just simply don't understand "why?"... or better yet "why me?". This holds equally true for both the good and the bad situations.
Do you ever pray for God to show up in an amazingly unmistakable way? Do something so outrageous that there is no way to doubt? Did He do it or was it a case (as Jason describes) where you were just talking to yourself?
It is times like this that I wonder "is this a perfect plan or just a carnival ride?"
My heart knows what the answer is, but my mind seems to want to disagree.
Jim
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
We Must Go...
This past weekend I had the pleasure of attending the Christian Music Summit in Seattle, Washington with some members of the praise team from Parkview.
It was a great conference with lots of well known worship artists and Christian musicians from the past and present. Paul Baloche, Brian Doerksen, Pocket Full of Rocks, Phil Keaggy, Lincoln Brewster, Scott and Christine Dente (Out of the Grey), Zoro the drummer, Rick Cua, Billy Smiley (of White Heart), Roby Duke, Tim Hughes, Robbie Seay Band and Tommy Walker just to name a few of the presenters/performers.
There was a ton of great camaraderie among the four of us attendeding... including some great discussions on spirituality, worship, the journey that got us to that point in life and... well... lots of humor based around one-liners from movies and imitations of bodily functions (right, Steve!?).
These events (remember back to my post on going to Nashville?) always have a way of tugging at my heart. I don't think I could ever describe in words my mental state at events like this.
I don't attribute it to the abilities of any man, but more that I believe God has been/is trying to get my attention.
I don't know how many people were there, but they (for the most part) were all worship leaders and musicians... so imagine if you will your favorite praise song's a cappella section being sung by several thousand people in tight harmony. It was amazing.
I realized three things at this event:
1) I care too much about what people think. I was standing there during a particularly moving worship time (I'll talk more about this later) feeling like I wanted to be more outward with my expression of worship, but feeling too self-conscious about doing so because I was standing between Steve and Brian (two of the other team members). I was worried that I'd appear "freaky" to them... I should correct that... I was worried that I'd appear MORE freaky to them (I already take a fair amount of pounding for the fact that I color my hair and use more hair care products than any man should). Trading my worship for God for acceptance from man... hmmm.
2) I love worship through music. I love playing it. I love listening to it. I love taking Christ's salvation to the churched and unchurched alike. It seems to be deeply engraved in me as something that God either allows me to do or wants me to do. There is something about tying the beauty of music to the beauty of God's love for us. Don't take me wrong, I'm not anti-secular music... in fact me and another worship leader in town have been doing coffee shop gigs in which we use secular music as part of our set... I'm just saying there is something magic to the depth of God's love set to music for me.
3) This is the big one... this is the thing I've been wrestling with for a couple of years... God keeps bringing people and events into my life that deal with the orphans, widows, broken, homeless etc. I'm not sure how to process it all.
Maybe I'll save my commentary on it for another time, but I want to share with you the lyrics to a song this past weekend that has really been causing me to sit down and consider what we do with what God has given us.
The song is called "God of Justice" and it is from Tim Hughes most recent recording.
God of Justice, Saviour to all
Came to rescue the weak and the poor
Chose to serve and not be served
Jesus, You have called us
Freely we've received
Now freely we will give
We must go
Live to feed the hungry
Stand beside the broken
We must go
Stepping forward
Keep us from just singing
Move us into action
We must go
To act justly everyday
Loving mercy in every way
Walking humbly before You God
You have shown us, what You require
Freely we've received
Now freely we will give
Fill us up and send us out
Fill us up and send us out
Fill us up and send us out Lord
That one line... "stepping forward - keep us from just singing - move us into action" just slays me.
I'll write more on what this has meant to me and my wrestling with God's will for me over the next few days.
Jim
It was a great conference with lots of well known worship artists and Christian musicians from the past and present. Paul Baloche, Brian Doerksen, Pocket Full of Rocks, Phil Keaggy, Lincoln Brewster, Scott and Christine Dente (Out of the Grey), Zoro the drummer, Rick Cua, Billy Smiley (of White Heart), Roby Duke, Tim Hughes, Robbie Seay Band and Tommy Walker just to name a few of the presenters/performers.
There was a ton of great camaraderie among the four of us attendeding... including some great discussions on spirituality, worship, the journey that got us to that point in life and... well... lots of humor based around one-liners from movies and imitations of bodily functions (right, Steve!?).
These events (remember back to my post on going to Nashville?) always have a way of tugging at my heart. I don't think I could ever describe in words my mental state at events like this.
I don't attribute it to the abilities of any man, but more that I believe God has been/is trying to get my attention.
I don't know how many people were there, but they (for the most part) were all worship leaders and musicians... so imagine if you will your favorite praise song's a cappella section being sung by several thousand people in tight harmony. It was amazing.
I realized three things at this event:
1) I care too much about what people think. I was standing there during a particularly moving worship time (I'll talk more about this later) feeling like I wanted to be more outward with my expression of worship, but feeling too self-conscious about doing so because I was standing between Steve and Brian (two of the other team members). I was worried that I'd appear "freaky" to them... I should correct that... I was worried that I'd appear MORE freaky to them (I already take a fair amount of pounding for the fact that I color my hair and use more hair care products than any man should). Trading my worship for God for acceptance from man... hmmm.
2) I love worship through music. I love playing it. I love listening to it. I love taking Christ's salvation to the churched and unchurched alike. It seems to be deeply engraved in me as something that God either allows me to do or wants me to do. There is something about tying the beauty of music to the beauty of God's love for us. Don't take me wrong, I'm not anti-secular music... in fact me and another worship leader in town have been doing coffee shop gigs in which we use secular music as part of our set... I'm just saying there is something magic to the depth of God's love set to music for me.
3) This is the big one... this is the thing I've been wrestling with for a couple of years... God keeps bringing people and events into my life that deal with the orphans, widows, broken, homeless etc. I'm not sure how to process it all.
Maybe I'll save my commentary on it for another time, but I want to share with you the lyrics to a song this past weekend that has really been causing me to sit down and consider what we do with what God has given us.
The song is called "God of Justice" and it is from Tim Hughes most recent recording.
God of Justice, Saviour to all
Came to rescue the weak and the poor
Chose to serve and not be served
Jesus, You have called us
Freely we've received
Now freely we will give
We must go
Live to feed the hungry
Stand beside the broken
We must go
Stepping forward
Keep us from just singing
Move us into action
We must go
To act justly everyday
Loving mercy in every way
Walking humbly before You God
You have shown us, what You require
Freely we've received
Now freely we will give
Fill us up and send us out
Fill us up and send us out
Fill us up and send us out Lord
That one line... "stepping forward - keep us from just singing - move us into action" just slays me.
I'll write more on what this has meant to me and my wrestling with God's will for me over the next few days.
Jim
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